Yours Truly
by sarah.shilo
Summary: This one begins after the end of the book. It begins with a series of letters written by Scarlett to Rhett. She is not thirty yet, he is merely 46, she knows life is there to grasp it.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Rhett,

I am writing you this letter because I need to know if you intend to visit us during the holidays. We are at the edge of the season, and the children are asking. If not for me, I need to know so I can give them some stability.

I hope that my letter finds you well. I wonder, have you found the grace you were looking for? I had been in Tara for a while, trying to gather the pieces. As it is, what had worked in the past twelve years lost its' charm.

Truly yours,

Scarlett

Dear Rhett,

I've been reading the few lines you sent me and contemplating whether to merely thank you for coming during the holidays and ignore the hatred, or is it mockery you've so eloquently expressed?

I am thankful for your decision. Ella and Wade lost an aunt who was more than a second mother, a sister and for all I knew the only father they've had. For myself, I have grown almost accustomed to being a social pariah.

As for the mockery in your letter, I must say I was surprised. You, of all people know I am no poet. Did you expect me to write of my love or broken heart?

You have told me, when you left, that no matter what I did, it wouldn't work. I have spent most of my adult life throwing myself at a man's who did not love me. Telling myself that the moon is the sun. Should I do it again? If anything is left is the respect I have for you. You have my heart. It's not much, but you have it. I won't harass you.

I went to Tara a week after Melly's funeral. India was surprisingly clinging to my arm throughout the whole time and if Wade hadn't cried uncontrollably I suppose I would have had to carry her to the carriage as well. I said you were struck by grief and couldn't join the cemetery. Was I wrong? You admired Melly. Why has that offended you so? Would you have preferred I said you left me and was in such a rush to leave me that you couldn't spare Melly a day?

If you hadn't answered me I did have a plan, to go to Chicago with the children for a few weeks.

It isn't easy but I'm trying to gather the pieces. Sometimes I wish to God I hadn't done all I have for Tara. However, what is done is done, and I can't change it.

I tried, best as I could to address each word, whether written with hate or contempt, I will answer whatever you ask.

Yours,

Scarlett

Rhett,

We shall be leaving to Chicago the week before Christmas. The children are counting on seeing you during February as you wrote. Don't bother apologizing. You don't really mean it, and I have no use in empty words.

As for what you wrote, it was malicious and uncalled for. I've stopped comparing her to myself or to Bonny. She is much better than I ever was or will be, kind, even happy despite all the losses she suffered. Have you ever given her the time of day to see that she is more than a ginger-haired plain child? So you'd know she has a way with sports? She runs all the time and she even somersaults in the air as if there was no ground under her feet to claim her. The other day she cried when she saw a bird taken down by a cat.

Scarlett

Rhett,

Unfortunately we are delayed in Chicago for six weeks until first week of February. I hope you can rearrange a visit to Atlanta for a later date.

Scarlett

Dear Rhett,

It was not intentional to be delayed in this cold and windy city. Unfortunately I was silly enough to believe that skating through an icy lake is something I can learn. Ella made it look so easy, and it was fun until I broke my leg and nearly froze in the icy water. Fortunately she was resourceful and managed to drag me to the shore.

Even if I was hurt from your letter regarding my attitude towards Ella I wouldn't have delayed your visit for the world. They miss you so.

You should refrain from such heated words in telegrams, I might think you actually care.

Scarlett

Dear Rhett,

We came to Chicago because I want to invest in Charles's land and build skyscrapers like the ones they have built here. It seems like a good investment with little danger for me as long as I keep the rights on the land and condition any transfer with built real-estate.

I have found two investors here in Chicago who are willing to join me in such a venture. The financing of such a project is rather complex though.

Rhett, I did not write of _my_ feelings knowing they are not wanted. I won't lie and write that there is not a day or a night in which I don't think of you. Life has it's was of grasping me with its' vibrancy and I willingly let it. However, you have asked, and so I write to answer, as I promised I will – I miss you dearly.

Scarlett

Dear Rhett,

I was moved by your visit to Chicago, even if only for two days.

If I was silent most of the time it is because I couldn't quite handle my feelings and you at the same time.

My leg is recovering nicely, I hope. The cast has been removed yesterday. I am starting to feel my toes again and I will be returning to Atlanta in time for Wade's second semester. I can't have him missing so much school. The doctor insists that I can even skate again, as if I'd dare…

You are more than welcomed to join me on the skyscraper venture. It's the first time that any of my business ventures really intrigued you. Are you really interested? I did not care to elaborate next to Ella or Wade, but the reason that I am pursuing this is that I need something to fill my days. I will drive both Ella and Wade insane if all I have is them to mother. I can't plant my fears and failures on them. In any case I am enclosing the business plan I've sketched.

Scarlett

Dear Rhett,

I was smiling three days after receiving your last letter. Why you have never complimented me in such a manner. I confess, I had a lot of help in designing the business plan I sent you. The doctor's son, Ronald, is an engineer and he managed two major projects like these lately. I enclose a more detailed plan for your approval or reference.

The doctor insisted with me, and I did skate yesterday with his son's help. It was rather comic to see me holding that young man's waist. I believe I left holes in his body. But it was fun! The whiteness of the ice is beautiful though I dare say I shan't miss the wind.

I intend to arrive at New York on the second week of March, for the financing meeting, and if all goes well I can start on May. If you decide to join me, now would be a good time to let me know, and if you wish you can direct the financing. To be frank, the process of building in fascinating and different Ronald has given me several books on the matter. I am thinking of investing in metal industry, it would be much more relevant than wood.

Yours truly,

Scarlett

Dear Rhett,

I am glad you are coming to New York. As for your insinuation – Ronald is both married and not my type. I dare say I suspect I am not his type either. His wife is as delicate as the old South's ladies used to be, and he likes her so.

Scarlett

Dear Rhett,

I admit it was rather reckless to take Ella and Wade to Ski in Vermont. To my defense I'll add that it was my way of contacting Mr. Gronner and nicely enough get him to join in. Fortunately, none of us are injured this time and I find ski to be a lovely sport.

I will be seeing you in Augusta for the train to New York as planned.

Scarlett

Rhett,

I have no idea why you treated me the way you have in New York. Let alone in public.

Reconsider if you wish to work with me. You have plenty of lands in Atlanta and you'll do more than well without your 'prisoner's' company.

I never asked for you to marry me after Frank died. You insisted on it. Is it so dreadful for me not to want to bare yet another mark on my forehead as a divorcee? Or is it you who have found a new love?

Do be honest with me.

Scarlett

Dear Rhett,

Thank you for your last letter. I will try to explain myself though I dare say some of the things I don't understand myself. I simply do them because they are there, like buying that silly pink gown in New York, though I'm still in black.

I can't and I don't blame you for any hard feelings you have on account of my behavior in the first twelve years of our acquaintance. However, during the past year I've done all in my power to change, not your feelings – for in that I respect your wishes, but myself.

I admit that I don't want a divorce because I love you. I watched you in every meeting we've had and I yearned for you. You've asked me to tell you, so here I am, writing a page and tearing it. I've watched your hands and craved for their touch. Your tallness. Even the less firm abdomen you have at your 46th year made me ache for you.

Is that what you wanted to know?

That I curse myself for being a fool?

Well, there are times that I do that, but I try not to. I can't help who I was, or what I did. I did do my best. It's funny, but every time that I beat myself I try to recall our conversation after Frank's funeral. If than, why not now?

I did behave rather silly in New York, drinking too much champagne that evening. It was merely to avoid the awkwardness of you going to your room. I refuse to be ashamed of that. Nevertheless, I do hope you won't remind it to me too often.

In one thing I do not agree with you. I feel alive, with more ability to do things, even to love. But if you won't love me, I have no desire to seek others, so I'll have my children and whatever else I find to fill my life. I am not willing to die at my thirties (that are coming too fast). You are not old either. If you only looked you'd see that you are at your prime. If you only gave it a chance you could be happy.

With me or with someone else.

Wade is the one who made me realize nothing is too late ever, as long as we are alive. Wade is to be thirteen this year, and luckily I hadn't lost him. Despite myself and all my many faults. He favors me for remembering things I had forgotten, like rescuing his father's sword from the Yankees. He even knows that his mother killed a Yankee deserter. Melly must have told him. He was willing to jump the high fence the other day despite the memory. To convince him to try it I jumped it first. But it worked. His eyes no longer possess that fearful look.

I drank half a counter of brandy afterwards to sooth my nerves, but he never noticed my terror. Dear God, both Pa and Bonny in the same way and here I was convincing my son to jump …

Was it that which annoyed you the most? That I hadn't died? That I went skiing after I broke my silly leg ice-skating? I do admit it sounds insane even to me.

Yours,

Scarlett

Telegram:

Dear Rhett STOP construction begins next Thursday STOP I will be waiting to take you home at the station as you asked STOP Scarlett


	2. Chapter 2

**So, as it always is – I don't own any of these characters, MM does. Here we go again, not so sure about this one. Next chapter will give us a hint of some letter Rhett and others wrote before this rendezvous.**

It was a rainy afternoon and people were rushing through the train station to avoid the dampness and wed showers coming with vigor from the gray skies. The noise of the rain entwined with trains halting and whistle blowing was almost unbearable. It was a sharp contrast to observe the small woman stood standing like a statue at the far side of the dock. She was small indeed covered with a long black cape from which a striking pink skirt was peeking out.

"Scarlett! You'll catch your death standing there!" and elder heavy woman scolded her.

"Good Afternoon Mrs. Whiting, I am waiting for the train from Augusta to come in". Scarlett's face was wet from the rain, and yet she seemed unbothered. She noticed that the lady's eyes widened at the sight of her pink skirt. Nevertheless a second later Scarlett nearly knocked lady down when she called "I'm here!"

With few long strides a tall dark man in his mid-forties came to her and rather impatiently grabbed her arm "You should have waited under the shed on the other side of the station."

Despite the chill her laughter was carefree "But I said I'd stand here, hadn't I?"

"I wrongfully would have attributed you some common sense to stay away from these Georgian showers my dear. The least you could have done was take an umbrella with you, don't you think"

Nearly dragging her by the waist he led them to the shed.

"Stop it this minute Rhett Butler, or you'll have me believing that you are indeed an old man. Besides, it's of no use; we are going to get wet anyhow."

He stood on his heels suddenly gazing at the smiling bright woman beside him and despite himself a smile crept to his face. His eyes softened "I see you are wearing that ghastly gown you bought on New York."

Her smile widened and drew out her dimples "Solely in your honor! As to show you that it did not go to waste. It also proves that some things never change."

She turned her back on him and began walking trying to avoid the muddy puddles surrounding the station.

"To what do you refer, my dear?"

"I thought it would be an obvious joke regarding my dreadful vulgar taste, as acutely emphasized during our stay in New York. Or was it vulgar dreadful? I can't remember the order of the merits you so gallantly bestowed rightfully upon me, my love."

The term of endearment was spoken in an even tone with no mockery as to relieve its meaning.

"Are you joking at yourself? And you are trying to convince me that nothing had changed?" She turned her face to him and threw him a wide mischievous smile.

After a short silence he added "I owe you an apology. You've been nothing but charming and patient with my foul mood in New York."

She stumbled and kept her back to him. A small smile of victory adorned her face for a second but she wiped it to keep the bland look she'd practiced during the past weeks.

"You've written that already, and as you see I accepted your apology. I hope you don't back down on the rest."

He paused and answered "I'm not. I meant what I wrote."

"Let's hurry, Wade has been sulking for days given he can't jump fences on rainy days"

Two horses were standing at the front of the station.

"Where is the carriage?"

"I lent it to India for the week. She is supposed to bring it back tomorrow. They are having some sort of project that I don't remember it's details, in the school. You don't mind riding, do you? This way we could pass though the lot and I can give you a peek at all the preparations, it really is amazing. You don't mind the rain, do you?" Her green eyes were radiating when she talked of the lot.

He supported her waist as she aimed to climb the horse on her side saddle, "Did you jump the fence on this saddle?"

"Of course not! I have been using a pair of your riding trousers and, well, and your saddle and stallion for jumping. You don't mind, do you? The riding skirts are ever so awkward. I could have had something made but…"

His eyes looked at her admiringly "Only if you show me"

"The jumping?"

"The pants on you. Well, both if you insist."

She gave him a coquettish smile from the top of her mare "I just might, if you behave."

"If I don't behave, you meant to say." Smiling he mounted his stallion.

The trot was a short one, the lot stood not very far from the station. Scarlett pointed out that the proximity to the station would make the place even more suitable for offices, perhaps even a hotel, and a shopping center.

"An indoor shopping center?"

"Yes. I've seen in Chicago two of these, it would be impossible to go through those streets at winter. For Georgia the same may be said about August and the rainy seasons. Oh, and I saw café houses up in Boston, it's part of the plan."

"When have you been to Boston?"

"In between. With Wade."

She rushed her mare leaving a rather stunned Rhett Butler behind.

She slowed her mare as they passed by the huge lot that had been straightened. Huge machines were standing erect waiting to be handled. She waited silently as she saw him observe the place with a concentrated look.

'Don't seek for compliments' she berated herself silently.

A lightning shone in a faraway point and a thunder roared startling both horses.

"Let's head home, it's becoming worse" she said.

She silently turned her mare and started heading towards Peachtree Street. Her leg began to hurt. The doctors had told her that she'd feel pain in changing weather. Yet, it was the first time she had felt it. Her ribs were in pain as well. She smiled reminding herself that she had broken two ribs in the past. It was at the same time that they had arrived at the stables. She saw his questioning look, and gave him a dismissing smile, not willing to share her pains.

Nevertheless when she slid from her mare her foot crumbled for a second, she gasped still smiling and took his offered hand "My leg is making a statement these past few days due to the rain. Nothing that a warm bottle of water and some ointment wouldn't solve."

He chuckled "Well, now I know your pride is intact. You still hate showing weakness, don't you?"

"You're a fine one talk." The words came harsher than she meant for them to come, but the pain was evident in her face.

"Touché, Mrs. Butler"

"What does this word mean, Rhett? I never asked." She was leaning on him with most of her weight on his arm gasping for air, and she stood to gather her breath.

"The literal meaning is touched, but it basically means something like being even." He easily put his other arm under her knees and raised her smiling brightly with a smile she forgot he could have "this is just so I don't fall too far behind you".

The proximity was odd. Being carried like that was even more. She decided to savor the minute with all her senses closing her eyes inhaling the special scent she's been dreaming of for months.

She did not dare touch him. After a few steps he halted "Come on Scarlett, you are not a child, put your arms around my neck so I don't break MY leg."

She raised her head and did as told. She tried to smile at him but instead she murmured "I'm so tired, Rhett."

"Who'd blame you? You've been roaming around the nation in the past months like a lunatic, breaking your leg, starting this huge project, and God knows what else."

'Trying to live without you' she thought silently.

At the parlor he put her on a wide cushioned chair by the fire and moved backwards, the house seemed vacant. It had few lights in the grand entrance and was rather silent. No sound of servants' feet walking in haste as was usual for this time of day.

She raised her head and to his amazement she called strongly "Wade! Rhett's home"

"Where's Ella? And where are all the servants Scarlett?"

She dismissed the question with a hand "I have the servants only in the morning and Prissy comes for one more hour in the evening. This way we can actually not think of what we do around the house the rest of the day. And Ella's with India and Beau, she'd be back after dinner. It's their regular day, and I wasn't sure if you'd actually arrive, so I didn't want her … "

Wade came running down the stairs "Don't run down these stairs" she yelled with a hint of panic in her voice. The young boy ignored her and jumped down the last five stairs –

"Ma, it's fun." He hugged Rhett and leaned to kiss his mother.

Her temper rose, Rhett saw it coming but then she bit her lower lip and closed her eyes hard for a second "Wade, I told you, you may do whatever you want with those stairs when I am not watching."

The young boy surprised him when he sat cuddling with Scarlett, moving her with his body. It seemed as if he was used to this position "But you said that frights should be conquered, and it's not as if I am carrying a child at the moment."

Rhett was speechless. Scarlett drew her eyes down with embarrassment "Wade, Honey, do be an angel and fix me with two, no, three bottles of hot water. My leg is practically singing praise to this dreadful weather."

"Why three?" asked Wade as he stood and headed for the kitchen.

"I need two, and one for Rhett who got a wet welcome from Atlanta."

"I hate this weather" pouted Wade as he ran toward the kitchen.

Rhett sat in front of her, but she carefully stood and fixed the fire so that it would be stronger, giving him her back. She decided to address it of her own initiative –

"One day he ran down and I yelled like crazy. He got so scared."

She poked in the fire causing it to send sparks. She moved backwards stumbling a bit.

"I explained that I fell down the stairs while carrying a child. I asked him not to do it in front of me."

"But you didn't ask him not to do it?"

"No. It wouldn't be fair" her last words were no louder than a whisper.

She turned to him. He saw tears in the corners of her eyes.

"Here's the thing. Wade has been with me through it all. He was born when I was practically a child. I'll never let Ella marry before she is twenty two at least. I was married to you by my twenty-second birthday. Could you imagine?"

She sat back on her chair and gazed at the fire –

"You know why I reacted the way I have at Rough and Ready? It was because he said he was scared. All of a sudden I felt as scared as he was."

His eyes were observing her –

"You never used to talk about these things."

"Why would I? If I could I would have erased them from my memory, washed them with boiling water, as I used to…" She bit her tongue.

"You were young, Scarlett."

"I still am. Wade starved when he was a toddler, and got parasites, even lice. I couldn't save him from that fate. He was there when the Yankees tried to burn Tara. He fainted. I was sure he was dead and it broke my heart. The only thing he hadn't seen me do was murder the Yankee, he was upstairs at the time with Melly. He had such a haunted look for years. You once told me it was my fault."

She saw his face grimace -

"Don't take it back. You were right. I can't take the starvation on me, but a great deal of it was me. When Melly died and you left it was as if the sky fell on him. Ella was sad, but not like him. I had to reach to him. You had the possibility to leave me, he doesn't have that."

He rose from his seat and took her in his arms, with some effort he smiled as he saw Wade trotting back with three hot bottles of water.

Scarlett eased back on the larger sofa and put one on her sore leg and another on the aching rib.

Sometime later Prissy came and rang for dinner. The three went to the dining room.

"Welcome Mista' Rhett. You be staying in you' ole room? We ain't prepared it properly, sir. Should I light some fire sir?"

"Thank you Prissy, don't bother, I'll be residing with Mrs. Butler".

***********Yours Truly***************


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Aunt,

As you may have heard, a terrible disaster has occurred to me a second time in one year. My sister by marriage Melanie Hamilton Wilkes has passed away due to pregnancy. She is the one I was with throughout the war. Beau's birth left her unwell to bear  
more children. Unfortunately she and Ashley did not accept that reality.

As it is, Rhett was struck with grief and had left before her funeral. I will not hide it and it should be added to the hardships throughout our marriage.

As it is, I worry about him deeply. I know that you are close friends with his mother. Would you be so kind as to let me know if anything happens to him? I fear he will not let me know, nor will his kin.

Yours,

Scarlett

Dearest Auntie,

Thank you for your consent to help me. You may want to suggest to Mrs. Butler that Rhett do something regarding horses or ships. He's been inactive for months now and it may be the end of him if he doesn't start doing something outdoors.

As Rhett indicated while in Charleston with Bonny, I was not the best of wives. As long as we had Bonny we had some hope, but now that she's left us I fear that nothing I do can revert the reality I have created with my own behavior. It made me cry to  
read your line about me being a loving person. For years now, since the fall of Atlanta I fear I am not that person.

I am deeply in your debt,

Scarlett

Dearest Aunt,

Summer had come and gone and luckily the weather is less humid. Wade is doing much better than before. So is Ella who had taken to ballet and gymnastics. I am glad your cough is better. As I mentioned in my last letter I am planning to invest in the land  
Charlie left me. I have started learning about the industries required to create modern buildings. It is something that has no feeling in it and is rather fascinating.

I am glad that Mrs. Butler has sent Rhett to tend to their old estate. Anything to keep him busy will do.

Yours,

Scarlett

Dearest Auntie,

If I thought he'd agree to see me I'd come.

If you think that a tad bit of good old fashioned jealousy would move Rhett of his deadliness you may evoke it, only NEVER regarding other men. I have written of the two proposals I've received just as to let you know that I have no interest in them.  
I suppose that gossip regarding the infamous Mrs. Scarlett Butler travel too fast. You may tell him that I am traveling with the children, or even tell him of my newest entrepreneur.

That might intrigue him.

Yours,

Scarlett

Dearest Aunt,

I was smiling throughout the most of your letter.

Was he really so mad, when you told him that I wasn't staying put?

By now you should have realized that I am not a 'normal' woman. I dare say that none of us would have benefitted much from normality, let alone survived the hardships of the war.

I think that my current venture is venture will be much less compromising for my children and myself being on the investor's side as soon as it begins. I still have to find investors, and am planning to visit Chicago for that purpose.

Would you like to join us? It will be just me and the children. You could tell me more of mother's first love. I had always seen her as the saint mother she was to me. It eased my conscience a bit to know that she too had had passions. It did sadden me  
to think that Pa's love was one sided, as apparently it was. Did you know that his last words were him calling out to her?

The past year had been going, as I had written before like a blur. The children and I are to go to Boston next week as I had written before. You are right, I am more than hectic. If I'd stay put I would have fallen. It is my only way of dealing with this  
everlasting grief.

I am not mad at you for sharing our correspondence with Mrs. Butler. You have been doing this in me behalf for months and months, and it is inevitable that you'd share this with her. I will do as you suggested and try to invite him for the holidays. I  
fear that if he stays any longer in her house he will go insane. As you bluntly put it, he was not cut out for that.

I am ever in you debt.

Scarlett

Dearest Auntie,

Yes, Rhett has promised to come and failed. His mother should have stayed put and made sure he wouldn't fail on coming. Perhaps it is for the best. I fear that in Atlanta we would have drifted to our old patterns of hurt and disagreements.

As to what you so delicately suggested, I had written and rewritten dozens of letters to him that are stashed away or burnt. He does not deserve to carry the load of my regrets on his shoulders. I have had the best husband I could have dreamed of and  
have ruined it to the core. Should I have thought it wouldn't have torn his heart as well I would have sent it to him. I think and rethink daily of missed opportunities, but there is nothing I can do, and if I throw myself at him he will convince  
himself that he really has lost his love to me.

I could never thank Mrs. Butler enough for joining us at Saratoga as she had. We have had a pleasant time. She had given me the hope I so needed. If I had only known what to do with it. But I haven't.

I will write him an angry reply .Let his mother know that he has backed down on his part. Perhaps letting him know my whereabouts is a good idea.

It is a shame you wouldn't join us but I realize that three days by train each way is a lot.

Yours Devotedly,

 _ **Scarlett**_

 _ **Dearest Auntie,**_

New York was a disaster. He had treated me with contempt and hatred that I dare say I am losing my nerve. It is not beyond thought that he hates me.

I cherish your last letter dearly.

The answer is of course in the negative. I was older than my mother when I married my first husband, let alone Rhett. I cannot erase the past. I can only look forward and hope for a chance to build something.

Send Mrs. Butler my infinite gratitude.

Yours as ever,

 _ **Scarlett**_

Dearest Auntie,

I hope the rainy season is not bothering your joints. As for me, every rain sends me to the warm bottle. Both a rib and a leg?! Perhaps I'll go to the hot springs in Bullochville. Would you come if I went?

To my great amazement he apologized for New York, claiming that he wonders if there is still a life to live. For the second time this year I feel he is nearing a decision to come home to me, only that he is hesitant regarding our chances for happiness  
and my love to him. I will address all his questions with as much honesty as I have.

Perhaps it is time to let him know I had been following his every foot step this past year. He is actually resentful for me not coming to him as to be rejected.

Consult Mrs. Butler how to let him know without letting him know that I actually asked you to reveal it. It's embarrassing enough as it is.

I love you dearly.

Scarlett

 _ **Dearest Scarlett,**_

The honesty in your last letter overwhelmed me.

I long for your body, your embrace, the smell of your hair, the taste of your sweet mouth. Even in Chicago with that cast on your leg I had to restrain myself as to not tear your clothes off of you. I have no use of new loves if my one love is alive and  
loving as yourself.

I had been reading and rereading your last letter trying to figure out how to act, when my mother and your aunt came to the house thinking I was out. You never seize to amaze me.

I'll admit I am speechless.

As you may figure out I found of your close correspondence with your aunt regarding myself and of your actions throughout this last year. You were right to assess that I wouldn't have let you near, wounded as I was. However, you have managed to pull me  
out of the pit on which I resided a year or so. Your aunt described the hardships you endured this passing months with no complaint, and the amazing work you have done with the children and yourself so as to pick yourself up.

Before your previous letter I expected you to let me know that you will not have me, not only as a business partner, but in any other way as well. Yet you sent me to contemplate and consider. I had apologized for my foul mood in New York, but it is your  
sweetness that I should apologize for ruining. Your aunt is right, you are still so young. If you can love so, love yourself as well, for my sake. For our sake.

All my adult life I have loved but one woman. This hadn't changed.

I'll be coming home, symbolically enough for the beginning of the construction, if you'll have me.

Yours Truly,

Rhett.


	4. Chapter 4

**Some M stuff – Warned in advance. Can be skipped if wanted. R &R.**

She was tucking Ella to sleep. He slowly left the parlor, leaving his night cap nearly untouched. He was wandering throughout her room. Their room. Little had changed in the surroundings of the room. It was impeccably organized. He noticed from the open  
/door of her dressing room that only black dresses were at the front of the closet. He looked at the right side of the bed and noticed that the small table was packed with pictures on a pile. Absentmindedly he took them in his hand and saw small pictures  
/of her parents, himself, Bonnie with Wade and Ella, himself with Bonnie and Melanie. None of the pictures included her. He looked at the wall in the front of the room and noticed the signs of the huge portrait that used to hand there, a picture they  
/had made of her just before entering the house seven years earlier.

He looked down again and opened the little drawer of the small table, thinking he'd find more pictures to look at. Instead he found a pack of letters folded neatly with her hand writing.

She entered the room and he closed the drawer reminding himself to look over it later. To his great surprise she was not wearing a wrapper but only a long cotton nightgown. She noticed his look and shrugged "I told you that none of the servants are here,  
/and Ella likes me to lay with her till sleep claims her."

"How did you undress yourself?" he asked half amused at her obvious embarrassment.

"That's easy." She smiled saucily "I stopped using the big corset. I only use a bodice and since I'm thin and wearing simple black dresses with few buttons in the front as it is. I think no one notices I'm without the corset."

"You think?"

"Well, I don't care that much if anyone does, but I haven't noticed any weird looks."

He laughed, and the air seemed to ease between them. She dreamed and dreaded this moment at the same time.

"You took off the picture."

"I have." She lowered her eyes her voice was low.

He came to her and held her gently. His finger raised her chin and he bored her eyes. She straitened her eyes and met his gazed. "I just tried to get rid of anything that would remind me..."

"Sh…" he hushed her and kissed her tickling her with his trimmed moustache. She closed her eyes and reveled on the sensations the kiss evoked.

After a while he surprised her by moving backwards and instead of undressing sitting on the wide chair. She stood in the middle of the room baffled from his withdrawal.

"Come. Sit with me." He said.

She approached him, took his hand and surprised him by sitting by his feet on the plush rug with his hand in her palm. She looked blankly ahead.

"Do you know what you want, Scarlett. I know you had written to me. The thing is that our last time was… I was so ashamed afterwards…"

She stopped him by turning fast towards him and with a strange light in her eyes she talked "Ashamed? For leaving me afterwards you should have been, but for what you, er- we, did? Don't. I've been dreaming and recalling every moment of that night."

She saw the awe in his eyes. She closed her eyes for a second, it was too late to play shy, she thought. Straightening her eyes to his she said quietly "I loved it. I loved you for what you did to me, for what you made me do, for what you made me feel."

"I forced you" he said quietly "My darkest side came out and it scared and shamed me".

She laughed shortly "Well, if it was a dark side I wonder just why I felt so enlightened."

"Enlightened? That's a strange phrase of words regarding…"

Her intense look made him stop talking "A second after you started kissing me I kissed you back. Yes, I was scared to death when you took me up the stairs, but then you stopped and kissed me again and there was nothing I did afterwards that wasn't willingly,  
/even…" she blushed but continued "when you put it, well that, in my mouth I loved it." Her eyes were looking at his pants with no mistake possible to her reference.

He was speechless looking at her disbelieving. Her face was crimson but she had a determined look "You loved it?"

She smiled half a smile "Should I prove it to you? Or are you too old for that?"

Her dare was met with an amused smile of his own accord "I still have some advantages over you, my love."

He pulled her to his lap. She kissed him a slow kiss, brushing him with her body and moving to saddle on him, deliberately allowing him to feel her soft curves. "I. Don't. Doubt. That." She said between kisses that went lower to his neck and collar bone.  
/He held her backwards for a few seconds and then with deliberate slow movement he opened the front of his trousers and freeing his manhood from his drawers looking at her daringly –

"Well?"

The room was lit to the fool light the gas lamps gave. When she last did what she so openly offered to do it was dark and she merely saw the shadow of it all. She had seen him bath, but it was so different now. Her eyes widened but she smiled and with  
/a small tilt of her head she asked "You want me to?"

His face was unreadable as always but he was smiling at her "Are you still too young for this Mrs. Butler? I realized lately that I married you too young."

She smiled and to his amazement slipped again to his feet caressing his manhood gently first with her white hands, then with her cheeks and finally with her mouth. She didn't know what to do next but a groan that he let go gave her some encouragement  
/and she started pulling backwards and forward in her mouth while holding it gently. She closed her eyes and felt his hands close over hers and his breath becoming hard. Finally he pulled her up. Her mouth was a bit stiff from the strange position  
/it had been for several minutes, but he kissed her so ardently that she forgot the oddness and merely wondering how he managed to pull himself inside her as he sat on the chair.

He was still dressed, and as she tried to unbutton his shirt he signaled her to refrain from doing so. Instead he pulled off her night gown leaving her completely naked at his lap, without pulling himself out. "I want to watch you" he said. She was trying  
/to lean to him but he held her back. She had a small sign and a scar where she had broken the rib and her breasts had a brown aura so different to the light pink he remembered. She noticed his stare and moved with unease casting her arms around  
/her front –

"Rhett, please, lets…"

"No. you're beautiful" as if to prove it his hand was nowcupping one of her breasts while the other guided himself in and out of her body. He pinched her nipple causing her to shiver unexpectedly – "You do love it, don't you?" it wasn't a real question,  
/but as she failed to speak he ordered her "Say it, say that you love it" and he put that breast in his mouth sucking it with force that made her ache but she did not move away.

"I love it" she murmured with his paste "I love it. I love you Rhett, oh God, how I love you." She was crying in his arms with uncontrollable spasms.

"Let it go" he whispered in her ear, as he put a hand between them brushing her front part roughly while his other was slightly pulling her head backwards by her long hair.

"Keep your eyes open, Scarlett, damn it, or I'll…"

It was that with the small pain from his pulling her hair hair that made her erupt in one long crescendo.

After her release he raised her to her feet and turned her to face the chair –

"Hold it" he said as he entered her from behind. One of his hands was cupping her breast and the other holding ather shoulder. It was fast, hard, almost uncontrollable and to his amazement as he had his release she came to him again crying his name.

When she calmed down and her tears stopped flowing she looked at him in the eye again and whispered "Is it horrible that I like it this way?"

He smiled at her "You never cease to amaze me. Don't be embarrassed. It's fine. I am your husband, and if it's fine by me, it's fine. Besides, you were wonderful."

Hours later they talked curled in the bed that became once again theirs. She talked of her travels in the past year, of the children, and he told her of his excursions. After a while he paused and as she lift her head to him with a question in her eyes  
/he chuckled –

"I've been thinking of the fact that you like it rough. It's so different then your way of life. Always in control."

"Oh" she was beginning to blush "Well, that time was this way. So it's your fault really. It seems that your darker side is more attractive then you thought it was. Mind you, I don't mind it more moderate as long as you make me feel so…"

"So what?" he rolled on top of her with clear tease in his voice.

"Oh, you know" she bit her lower lip as she watched him, She gathered her wits "Besides, maybe I'd like to be in control here too?"

"When hell freezes" he laughed and leaned to kiss her again.

To be frank she amazed him. For months he felt paralyzed, half dead. One afternoon with her in this house had made him peel off layers of fatigue and sorrow. Made him feel vibrant again. She was a different woman from the one he had married but he wanted  
/her nevertheless. Perhaps more.


	5. Chapter 5

**It took me some time. Too much work lately! Well, here we are, R &R. Some steamy stuff on the next one.**

She was used to waking early, however she wasn't used to companionship in her bed. It's been years since she laid a full night with her husband. She woke up some time before dawn and raised herself to the board of the bed, watching him sleep. She tried to memorize his facial lines in case he left again 'I won't think about it now' she told herself and then it dawned her, he came back to her to stay. She thought of the meaning of it to her life now. She had grown used to living on her own, not having to answer to anyone – 'Dear God, I hope he doesn't expect me to become the doting wife. I'll be a complete failure in that role' she thought. She moved and stiffened at the thought.

"A penny for your thoughts"

"Oh, they are worth much more than that."

"A ring for your thoughts then?"

She laughed "A golden one with shining diamonds"

"I'd think your engagement ring had enough of those."

She stretched her hand forward looking at the huge ring "Perhaps. I haven't done it yet, but I thought of turning it to a pendant with a long chain. I love it, but it's too big for a ring. Would you mind?"

He was surprised at her observation – "No, not at all. Give it to me in the morning and I'll take care of it".

She let a long breath go.

"You haven't told me what you were thinking of."

"I thought I ducked it" she smiled apologetically "well, it's nothing big. I was asking myself what you expect of me now that you... I never was a real wife to you or to anyone, and I was wondering…"

"If I expect you to be a doting wife? Or if you'll be able to be as free as you had been so far?" his brows rose with a question mark and he smiled amused, he lift himself to the board as well and she noticed how much bigger he was compared with herself – "years ago, I confessed I liked your wits in business, I suppose this round we'll just do it as a team, and try to enjoy freedom together, and not apart?"

She bit herself, she was much more nervous than she let him see 'Damn' she thought as she felt blood in her mouth. "You make it sound so easy."

After some silence she touched his arm "Rhett, I've been free only this past year or so. I was so lonely that this was what life could give me and I took it. I'm afraid I'll fail."

"You afraid?"

She closed her eyes and remembered the same words coming from his lips years ago "Most of my adult life I've been scared to death. I'm not scared of hard work, even grief" she choked and caught hold of her voice "I want to know what you expect, and when I fall, because I am bound to fall several times, please bear with me."

She wasn't looking at him –

"As you'll have to bear with my failings, my love" he answered pulling her to his arms. Her nails clutched his arms painfully as she embraced him, he freed her fingers gently looking at her softly as she blinked "Sleep, Scarlett, it's not dawn yet."

"No, I'll get up now. I have an early meeting with Mrs. Merriweather, at eight, and I have to prepare some papers before. You sleep, I'll get you breakfast at seven."

And she got up, leaving him to see her dress in the dark room with her back to him.

"Turn" he said "I want to watch you dress"

She froze for a second, and then she turned to face him – "I thought you liked it from the back" she smiled saucily, to disguise her embarrassment.

He signaled her to approach and as she did, he took her hand and kissed it lightly "You'll tell me when or if I'm pushing you too far? I want you to enjoy this."

She kissed him on the bridge of his nose forgetting that she was half naked. She dressed in front of him allowing his hands to fondle her as she went on with the strings of her bodice. When she was done he looked at her critically "I never liked you in mourning weeds"

"Until last night, I was in mourning, Rhett." She went to her dressing room. When she returned a light green scarf was in her hands – "Here, I'll wear this today, so you don't run off to Paris just as to fetch me a hat. However, if you do, don't you dare leave me behind this time."

As she walked out of the room she could hear his laughter behind her.

"The papers are fine. In fact too fine, Scarlett" Rhett heard Mrs. Merriweather's hesitant voice coming from his study. He realized it was her study now. He approached and heard Scarlett respond –

"I want you as a business partner, not as a tenant, and I'm investing in it. The only term I insist is that it starts as of today, and that you deal with the store employees. Decide who stays and who is dismissed. I will pay the dismissed ones who worked more than a year compensation and everything that's due to them."

"Oh, I thought" she trailed as Scarlett interrupted her with little patience -

"I understand you've been closed two months now, so it would cause you little hardship."

"You are leaving Hugh Elsing to me."

"Well, this is the least you can repay me for all the malicious talk you've directed for years regarding my attitude towards him." Scarlett's voice was matter-of-factly with no mirth or accusation. She was at her most business attitude. "I don't want to be held responsible for any dismissal as you will be the sole manager of this project."

"Ladies" Rhett entered the room to see a shocked Dolly Merriweather observe him "Darling" he approached Scarlett and kissed her cheek. Scarlett smiled at him holding his hand a little more than necessary.

"Captain Butler. How nice it is to see you. You do look much better."

Scarlett waited a second – "So, Mrs. Merriweather, do we have a deal?"

Rhett and Mrs. Merriweather looked at her, Scarlett was indeed at her business mode; she did not bother pretending this was anything else then a business meeting.

"Yes." The elder matron took a pen and signed the papers. As she rose she looked Scarlett in the eye as she said "Thank you for this chance."

"I look forward to the opening of our Garden Café, Mrs. Merriweather. My financial manager will be in touch with you and he'll be our director in all the necessary monetary matters." She shook her hand with a straight look and half a smile, still detached and courteous.

"Call me Dolly" she answered and left the room after nodding towards Rhett.

Scarlett moved from behind the desk and toward her husband. "I've used your study more often lately, but I haven't moved anything. All your things are where you put them. My papers are on this shelf", she signaled.

"Prissy is unpacking my cloths in your, well, our room. Tell me about this Garden Café of yours"

"We don't have time for that just now. We have several meetings downtown and I want all the managers to meet you. After today, you'll decide at what paste to do things."

He was baffled by her words, but he came along with her.

In the next eight hours they hardly stopped to drink or eat a sandwich she had packed them. The financial and operational teams were coming and going out of the small office that was his in the bank. He noticed the respect his wife received from the several people they had interacted with, but she was detached, almost frozen in her manner and he noticed that they were not unaccustomed with her manner.

She had introduced him as her husband and the president of the enterprise. He was not surprised that they kept looking at her for reassurance as he began to take the lead. Nevertheless, she kept her eyes at him, the entire day, signaling to the crowd that he indeed was their chief director and manager.

Early afternoon she rose and declared that he still had a few meetings, but she was no longer needed and she excused herself so fast leaving him on his own to proceed.

He realized that she was handing it to him, on a platter of gold, her finest enterprise, something monumental, more than his fleet of ships or several businesses. But as she foresaw, the business itself was thrilling and he got caught up in it, remolding parts of the operational schemes, learning the details of the contracts.

In the evening, barely arriving for dinner he tucked Ella to bed. The girl caressed his cheek –

"I was mad at you for leaving without saying good-bye, Uncle Rhett."

"Oh?" he asked gently as he covered her and kissed the top of her head.

"Yes, But Ma kept reminding me that I love you. She said that in time I will learn to live with things that are beyond my powers."

"Have you?"

"No. But you came for ma in Chicago and now you're back, so I don't have to. I love you."

His heart clenched with pain. She had a plain face. The only similarity with her mother was a shade of green in her eyes and her small nose.

"I love you too, darling." He stayed by her a while until her breath was calm and steady.

He was walking down the wide corridor when he heard Wade's voice –

"Will he stay, Ma?"

"I hope so, but I don't know, Darling."

"Ma, would you rather…"

"Some things are beyond our power, Wade. This is definitely beyond yours. Rhett loves you. I've told you repeatedly he hasn't left because of you, nor will he this time if he does."

He couldn't hear Wade's voice that became quiet but he heard her answer –

"Some things are not your affair, young man, and as you know very well, I can handle my own affairs pretty well."

"I don't want you hurting again."

"Me neither" – her voice was soft and sad "But I'm willing to risk it. It's worth it, darling. He's worth it. If you fear hurt, how will you gain your hearts' desire?"

"Now you are quoting from the book your read Ella the other week."

"True. It doesn't make the words less accurate."

She was wiping her forehead when she stepped out of the room, and she saw him standing like a statue, frozen. She turned back and walked towards him, with a daring look he did not expect she took his hand in hers and closed her eyes. He drew her closer and held her.

"Let's go down for a drink, Scarlett"

She was exhausted and yet, she agreed.

"Thank you"

She nodded at him, not asking to what he referred.

"Tell me about this Garden Café enterprise of yours."

"Six months ago the store wasn't doing so well and it became a time consuming nuisance, and I realized that I don't have to actually direct the store. Besides it can be turned to something else, as bakery with special pies, tea, coffee and a place to sit. I saw something like this in Boston."

"Where is the garden?"

She averted her eyes –

"I've turned the lumber yard besides it to a garden with swings a water fountain and flowers "Bonnie's playground". I was looking for a manager for the store when _Dolly_ had to evacuate her bakery. She is the last of them." She emphasized the Christian name of the matron in a way that made him smile, -

"The last of what?"

"The last and only one who still did not greet _us_ in the street. In between these many escapes I did something similar to what you did for Bonnie back then."

He was laughing "What a show it must have been."

"Precisely" she answered with a wide grin "But I will not give you the satisfaction of the sorrows I had to endure, darling. It's priceless."

"And _Dolly_?"

She laughed

"An innocent name for a vicious witch, don't you agree? She'll always hate me, the fool, just like India, but now she owes me, and she'll keep her silly mouth shut. That's more than enough for me. She'll do wonders with the shop, and she'll have to manage Hugh Elsing who's as incompetent as Ashley. I don't see her dismissing him for the life of her. That's as good penance as any."

He did not ask for what as her mouth was a thin line at the moment and her eyes were not focused. She still had her old vindictiveness.

"Do you have friends, Scarlett?" he asked in a low voice

"Uncle Henry. I meet him once a week of a cup of tea and brandy ."

"You drink with a man?!" He was at awe.

"You mean, with a man other than you?"

He noticed the small quip –

"Yes, in my tea, and he drinks straight. It's fun. One afternoon when I poured him a glass he noticed my stare and said something about the silliness in having to pretend to be faint for a drink. He was referring to his sister of course. So I took the chance and poured into my tea some brandy. And so we went on with it. You are the one who told me not to drink alone."

"So, you've become close to him?"

Was it jealousy? She wasn't sure so she ignored the question -

"I have had one female friend all my life and she's dead. It's not as if I was honest with her."

"I'm sorry" he said.

"Don't be. It's a bed I've made for myself, I doubt if I could do it any differently."

He pulled her near him. She looked at him smiling as she snuggled near him –

"I haven't noticed you've had any real friends; ever. I was the only person who enjoyed, no, who was happy to see you during the war; even when you didn't have any chocolates or bonnets to bribe me with; even when I was with Frank."

Her face darkened. She was thinking of Belle Watling. She was his friend.

"I'm wrong, aren't I?" she asked.

"No." He was stroking her back and looking down at her "Never mistake bought companionship, even if pleasant with the kind of friendship we are talking of. Yes, we were nice to each other, Belle and I, but that's rather easy when you have nothing, and no one else want's you. Come, I have an early start tomorrow. Some of the contracts need some alterations."

As she did not ask why he stopped her – "I meant what I said, we'll work as a team. Don't pull back."

"I don't want to be in the front this time, Rhett."

He laughed "Sure you do. You'll love it, and it will be fun."

She raised a brow skeptically "I don't mean to be rude but your estimation of fun was nearly fatal."

"You're joking at yourself again?"

"More often than you'd know, but it was on both of us."

He took her upstairs by her hand and they both undressed quietly in their chamber. She was certain that this night he'd fall asleep as soon as he laid his head on the pillow, a reflection to her own fatigue. But as they entered the bed the hit radiating from his body informed her otherwise.

She opened big eyes and hesitantly she asked "How will you want me, em-" she stuttered.

He smiled at her kissing her features slowly until she had no air left in her, feeling as if she had turned into a rag doll or clay in his hands. As he paused never leaving her hold "In our bed, as my wife and lover."


	6. Chapter 6

And indeed he loved her that night. Slowly dissolving the fatigue that grasped her till she was as awake and wanting as he had been all day. It aroused him to see her carefully made business. To see the respect she had rightfully gained from her business associates. Her presence in his arms, in their bed made him feel more fortunate than he'd ever thought he'd feel. Yes, he loved her for years, appreciated her, but never in his life did he consider her his equal. And when it came to their carnal lust it gave a new air to his conduct. As he raised the hem of her nightgown upwards he ordered her to keep her eyes open. He left the candle burning on her vanity, making the shadows in the room dance. His fingers were grazing her midline from her forehead through her sternum down her abdomen, in a slow straight path that made her blush –

"Your breasts are beautiful. I never remembered your aura to be so dark." He whispered "Do you enjoy it when I look at you like this?"

She silently nodded, hypnotized by his look –

"Talk to me, Scarlett. Do you like it when I put my fingers between your legs?" and following came a tantalizing caress she was still not used to. She swallowed hard and kept to her silence, scared from his request to have her articulate her sensations at this precise moment.

Twelve years of yearning and close observation left her variety of facial expressions known to him as if written in a manual. Yet, he was mystified by this full of life yet sad beautiful woman at his side. He no longer knew her body and soul as he proud himself before.

Few months of correspondence left him more intrigued than anything by the change in his wife. He took for granted the several changes in himself, the grief, the longing to social symbols from his childhood, but it seemed that she abandoned any if not all her past far behind her.

"All day I've been fantasizing of this moment, when I can undress you and have you all to myself. I was looking at you in that conference room thinking of how this beautiful flower you possess between your legs looked as you went through the numbers with me." He kept on slowly –

"You're lying." She gave him a fierce look, panting she added - "You were concentrated on the figures, I saw you."

"I suppose I'll just have to prove it to you when we go there tomorrow," he chuckled "I just might be able to think of two things at the same time" She was feeling a pressure being built in her and she tried to pull him to her arms, but he kept himself at arm's length, observing her reactions to his ministrations –

"You'll have to talk to me and tell me how you feel" he smiled;

"Dear God, I can't" she whispered averting her eyes. He waited till she met his gaze again –

"You can and you will. I want to give you pleasure and you'll have to talk for that to happen." His hand was rough now and she felt as if she'd explode –

"Please, Rhett…"

"Please what?" he asked slowly, kissing her with a melting power.

"Please…"

"You'll have to say it my love."

"Dear God" she murmured again at her loss of any hold "you are torturing me, I need you inside me"

"You only needed asking" and he was on top of her covering her with the warmth she so longed for. Her legs were wrapped around him pulling him to her, with total abandonment she pulled his mouth to her breast making him take it, rocking with him, crying out his name and incoherent sounds, till they both collapsed completely and utterly sated.

After gathering her breath she whispered "So that's what you meant by lover and husband?"

She was giving herself to him completely, with no reserve. Yet, something illusive kept her away from him, as if she was at arm's length.

He was surprised when he heard her voice –

"Will you tell me, Rhett, of your times in bed with other woman?"

If a cat had got his tongue (literally) he wouldn't have been more shocked at her request.

"Why?"

She turned to him and he noticed the genuine smile in her eyes "Oh, I don't want to hear of Belle, tell me of a woman that made you shiver, let's say, twenty years ago."

"Why?" he was smiling now, amused at her boldness.

She blushed but kept to her smile "I just want you to. But you don't have to; I just thought it would be fun. You certainly told me _IT'S_ fun before we were together, and that you are told that you have a way with women..."

He chuckled and leaned backwards taking her with him to the back board of the bed "So, if I understand you correctly, you want to know of my sexual adventures as a young man?"

"Oh, you are just mean and hateful. You are doing your best to make me feel embarrassed, aren't you? Well, sir, it won't work! It's not me who has been with hundreds of women in every port in the east coast and England. I'm still a simple country girl who simply wants some entertainment."

The fit of laughter that got him was uncontrollable "Simple?! Simple you say?!"

"Besides, you are the one who told me to say what I want or think."

"What are you thinking, my dear?" he asked becoming all serious.

She paused "Frankly?"

"Yes, only frankly."

"I think that there are so many shades of you that I don't know. Why not start with the fun part? Besides, since I will never experience such things personally, nor do I wish to" she added quickly "it's intriguing."

He was thinking of her and the past year in which she had been alone and faithful to their marriage "But you could have. If you wished to, I mean. This year, at least. Not that I wouldn't mind. It would have maddened me."

She stopped him with her hand and looked at him sternly "Rhett, I didn't, and I wouldn't even think of it."

"But you've had offers." He was stating something he wished she'd deny, but she didn't.

"Well, I wouldn't consider any. Not as long as there was hope."

He was contemplating whether to investigate these advances she's had but something in her voice made him put his curiosity aside for the time being-

"You had hope?"

"Yes."

"I had none."

"That's what gave me hope. If you had gone ahead with your life, I dare say I would have lost my nerve. Being as it was, and saddened as I was it gave me hope that you did _give a damn_ , in fact so much that you can't even come down to keep the gossip down as you promised."

He moved at unease with her admission and her mention of his words.

"I will never understand myself though." She said "There I was, at sixteen, Ashley telling me he doesn't love me, he goes and marries the love of his life, and I clinging for years to a love that never existed but in a mind of a fourteen year old, working harder than a field hand and insisting that something is ..." she paused "And here you were, leaving me at my darkest hour, seconds after my best friend had died, throwing my declarations of love, yet again, and I deciding that there was hope." He was silent. She felt him harden – "At least this time I was right."

"I'm sorry, Scarlett. At the time I really didn't care. I never thought how ruthless it was."

She smiled and he heard it in her voice "You once mentioned a phrase in Latin regarding jealousy. I suppose that made you ruthless for years. The worse tarnish to my reputation, well except the India and Archie episode came from you. What you told my aunts back then…"

"And yet you have me? You give me all you have slaved for on a platter of gold?"

She ignored his words and kept on talking - "I remember the night when I came to Tara. There was nothing to eat. The following day I went walking to Twelve Oaks, to see if there was something I could salvage. There were some radishes in the darkies quarters gardens. I ate them and lay there on the ground, vomiting for a time that seemed like hours, with an infected foot. I should have had no hope for anything. Mother was dead, Pa crazy. Yet I rose and limped back home, and the rest you know. Hope is a tricky thing."

He was listening to her. He knew of her mother's death and her father's madness, but she never took the time to tell him what had happened that made her as hardened as she was after the war.

"You chose your battles, Rhett. At that point I had no choice. For that I hated life and the world for the longest time. I could have left Melly in Atlanta before the siege. But I didn't on account of that silly promise I gave Ashley to care for her. He was a bastard, wasn't he?" She did not pause for long and continued "Well, when Melly died I could have sank to pit of despair, abandoning my children emotionally to their fate, or gone on without you as if you never existed. I chose not to, not as long as I had hope with you. You see, if you couldn't face me, it meant you cared. Then there were the letters, of course, with my aunt, confirming what I had suspected. With Wade and Ella – there was light all the time though" the last words were softer.

As she became sleepy she drowsily said "I'll make you tell me. I'm not going to be the only one who talks."

The following days he saw the light she talked of in her and in her children. They were constantly laughing. There was an intimacy between them, to which they gladly brought him in. When Rhett suggested they get some more help for the evening so they could host the pouring guests coming to see him, and peek at the Butler's family, Scarlett insisted on their privacy and refused it. "The major cleaning can be done in the morning", she insisted and she would suffice in Prissy's rough organization of the house afterwards. In fact, each evening, no matter how many guests would be in the parlor, at seven o'clock she'd rise and call Ella to their daily practice at the piano, hinting the good ladies who never stepped through the door over a year to take their leave.

The only exception was with Henry Hamilton who would be a weekly guest in their table. The aging lawyer would come once a week in the afternoon, before Rhett returned from the construction site and sit with her in solitude in the study, one afternoon he found them walking in the garden arm in arm with Ella and a friend of hers with them. Henry was being cordial with him, nothing less nothing more, but she seemed obtuse to the tension between the two men she loved.

During that first week she surprised him by not attending the site or the bank leaving the entire project at his hands, claiming that she'd return the following week.

One afternoon she was delayed with Ella and Rhett found Henry playing Chess with Wade. He sent the boy on some pretext to find him a book, and took the time to address the matter –

"You aren't happy with my return."

"It's not for me to be happy or unhappy about." Answered Henry not in the least intimidated by the tall man in front of him – "All I know is that if you leave again it will be much more difficult to gather the pieces."

"You've done that?"

"No, Scarlett has. With her two hands and ten fingers she healed herself, her children and even my sill sister and other nephew. But she is not unbreakable, and she has been on the top of the world since you wrote you'd meet her in New York, and in a pit of despair when she returned, that is until you wrote you'd come. She is one of a kind, I'd hate to see her hurt again."

"I'm not a child, Rhett, Uncle Henry, and I'm not that breakable" – none of them saw her come in. They both seemed embarrassed –

"Don't you dare try and excuse yourselves, either of you." She demanded hotly as she saw the two man move with unease – "I don't mind if you speak of me behind my back. I had the cook prepare a fabulous rooster I intend for all of us to enjoy this evening with a special apple and pecan pie for desert, so please, try not to ruin that."


	7. Chapter7

**I had a long pause. It's a hectic time in my work, so it took me some time and it felt rather crappy but here it is... Please R &R.**

Uncle Henry stayed. Scarlett encouraged Ella to show the family of her latest piano improvements. She was singing by her daughter's side, ignoring the many errors Ella made to a point that the three men, Wade, Rhett and Uncle Henry had to put a hand on their mouths to hide the smiles. Noticing the situation, lightly she offered

"Ella darling, won't you let me play a song for Rhett? He is a really good singer."

She caught him by surprise. He hadn't sang in years a real tune.

"Please, Rhett." She pleaded

"Only if you join me"

The chords entered the room similarly to the light of the candles, moving, touching the inner cords of the singers as well as their listeners.

After a few songs, Scarlett leaned to her husband – "Thank you darling, I'm afraid, both my playing and singing are a bit rusty."

"Not in the least mother" it was Wade who found his voice first – "You sing so beautifully, just as you sang when I was little. It's the only memory I have from the war before Tara."

She smiled surprised – "You must have been barely three years old."

"Yes, but Aunt Melly told me often how you'd sing in parties. Don't you play the piano, Uncle Rhett?"

"Uncle Rhett knows how to play the guitar, Wade."

"Oh?" the amazement came from all the present in the room.

"How do you know that?" asked Rhett "I haven't played in twenty five years at least, not that I was any good when I did."

"You told me. In fact to threatened to serenade under my window if I didn't accept your marriage proposal."

"She memorizes your every word." Henry remarked in a low tone. The accusation was not hidden.

When they went upstairs she was delayed with her children, more than the usual. Absentmindedly he opened the drawer next to her side of the bed, to once again observe the folded papers. He took them and observed them silently.

 _Dearest Melly,_

 _Yesterday we bid you farewell for the last time. You would have loved the ceremony and the flowers displayed in your honor. I couldn't stop thinking how proud you'd be looking at Beau in his little black suit, and of Wade holding his hand in the beginning of the ceremony. At the end of it he broke though. Wade, that is. He was more yours than mine most of his life, even if I bore him._

 _It pains me to write, and yet, at this time of night it's either the pen and the paper or the brandy in the parlor and a headache in the morning. I never told you, did I? Did you know I drank Pa's whiskey?_

 _At the back side of the funeral I could detect Belle Watling standing, staring. Even she loved you and came to pay her respects. My husband's mistress and the town Madame. I was planning to address her but at the end of the funeral Wade collapsed completely. Yes, my son who had had two mothers all his life. I dare write that the better one is now in Heaven with his little sister and my unborn child. I gave her a long look when I put Wade in the carriage. For the first time she lowered her eyes. I wonder why – it's not her fault he left. I suppose that by leaving he left her behind as well. I still hate her and wish she'd burn in hell. Nevertheless I most probably will be burning right next to her._

 _He told me that she was 'more honest' than me, 'a better investment'. It was when I most craved for him to be kind to me. I have nightmares of his relations with her. How many married men have mistresses? I wonder. Why was she there? Rhett had a ward, could he be their child? Could my husband have a child with her? If he does no wonder he preferred her to me._

 _Do care for my Bonnie and my unborn baby._

 _I love you so._

 _Yours Truly,_

 _Scarlett_

 _Dearest Melly,_

 _I've been wondering why I find myself with the quilt and pen writing to you. I suppose I really have no one to talk to._

 _Rhett left me before your funeral. Right after I told him I loved him, and for the first time truly tried to be kind to him. Isn't it ironic? I could hear his footsteps fade away, just like in the night Atlanta fell and we fled it. Wasn't that the worse night ever? Well, this one was worse – I lost you. You were dead. At the night we fled I had the merciful ignorance of what awaited me at home. Ignorance is a true blessing. I wish I could be ignorant or naïve so as not know what expects me in the coming weeks, but I do. Did you know that for months after Pa died I felt as though someone had kicked me in my stomach? At the time I was heavy carrying Ella. It was horrid. At least I had you and Mammy, even Rhett. None of you are with me now. It is my cross to bear. How did our Father feel when he carried his cross? He had so many followers who loved him. I have none. Only these sweet children who seem so lost in the past few days._

 _I never knew why he left in the first place, nor do I know now. After all, he'd been here for months since Bonnie's death. Why now?_

 _If you were here you'd probably tell me that he'd come back to me. Here is the thing. He promised to keep appearances for my shattered reputation's sake. I truly hope he won't keep that promise. If he does it would truly mean that he ceased loving me._

 _I miss you so much._

 _Yours Truly,_

 _Scarlett._

 _Darling Sister,_

 _You came to me in my dream the other night and scolded me. In your death you seem to know that I enjoy each and every bottle Rhett left in the cellar. Enjoy is not the accurate description though, is it?_

 _I will stop. I do have Wade and Ella, and I can't die on them as well._

 _I wish something would take the pain away._

 _Scarlett_

 _Melly Darling,_

 _How could you be so patient with the whole world? With me?_

 _The pain won't leave me. Sometimes I feel my inner parts crying for Bonnie, and for my unborn child. My ribs are giving me grief on a daily basis now that the seasons change. I have to bite my tongue so as not to snap on Wade or Ella when I'm like this. Add to it the blistering headaches I get ever since the fall. I fear something is truly wrong with me and I have to stay alive. I can't leave them. Even if I'm not much of a mother, I'm all they have._

 _I just don't have what it takes to be kind or soothing. Rhett had said so upon his departure. God, how I hate him for leaving me. I was in Chattanooga a week ago. I have a new notion of business and am beginning to learn the possibilities. I saw a tall man walk down the street with something that reminded me of Rhett. I followed him for several blocks from afar, letting the stupid tears flow, until another man offered me his assistance in view of my evident distress. He too was tall, perhaps too tall and dark. I mumbled my gratitude and ran for my life. I see him in anything and everything, and he is so absent._

 _At the end of that day, being on my own with only Prissy and Ella, as they both fell asleep I left the hotel room and went to a music show in a square near the hotel. I wasn't paying attention to the music, but observing the men around me, I dare say. Should I let go? Should I try and find something reachable? You'd be appalled at the thought. To repay my thoughts I received an awful diarrhea and was bed ridden for a week after that. Or was it the fish I ate? Luckily both Prissy and Ella ate only vegetables and rice the night before._

 _One would expect that with all these health issues I'd feel less lonely. Well, it doesn't work. I wish we could switch – you down here to handle the world, me up there with Bonnie, Ma, Pa and my little baby – Though what I would do with me two deceased husbands I know not. I suppose I'd apologize and beg them to find some nice angel instead of me._

 _Keep my babies and yourself safe._

 _Your Scarlett_

The following letter surprised him as it was addressed to him -

 _Dearest Rhett_

 _How does one begin to write to a man who has known my every thought and emotion? But there isn't a day in which I don't talk with you. Where are you, my love? Are you still breathing? Does it pain you to open your eyes as it does me? Does it cause your heart to contract painfully when you see a child in a blue frock? I've stopped looking people in the eye. In every brown eyes I find Melly, in Black I find you and in blue – Bonnie._

 _Wade has Melly's eyes. I force myself to smile to him. All a long I thought his eyes were his father's, when in fact they haven't been hazel for a time now and are as brown as Melly's._

 _You'd be so proud of Wade. He began riding horses again. Today I found myself hugging the mare I use from time to time and crying at its' neck for an hour. I did the same thing with the horse you stole for me back when Atlanta fell. Back then I cried for your abandonment. It's not much different now either. Funny, I seem to find solace in horses._

 _I know you said you didn't give a damn, but I can't except it. It can't be so. As long as I feel so much pain I intend to think of you as I do of myself – the grieving father of my two dead babies. I wanted that child so much. When I fell and woke to an excruciating pain I knew only that, but I couldn't remember why I so wanted it._

 _I make myself dress each morning, smile at the children and promise them this day will be better than the former, and so on and so forth. They seem to buy it and for them it seems to be so. Unfortunately it isn't so for me, at least not yet._

 _Did you crave for me? I crave for you. I always hated that part of married life. Charles was a perfect gentleman with me, the first night he did not touch me because I was terrified. Nevertheless we had Wade and it was a painful part of life. I would never have spoken with you of this had you been here. Did you ever stop to think of it? I cried the whole night after that time and poor Charlie wanted to call a doctor, which of course I forbade him to._

 _With poor Frank it was simply a revolting duty I'd remind myself to fulfil. I'd wash up with boiling water and vinegar afterwards. It was supposed to keep me from having babies, but it never worked. You never were revolting, but it seemed that you took pleasures when you wanted without minding my existence. And yet I crave for you. Desperately. Was what we did at that night legal? It felt illegal, immoral. I am doomed to reach the gate and never step in._

 _Scarlett_

There were several letters in the package addressed to him, but he heard her footsteps so he slid it back to the bundle and the drawer it was in at the first place.

"Will you join me tomorrow at the construction site?"

"Must I?"

"Why don't you want to?"

"For no particular reason, I just enjoyed the past few days so."

He wasn't buying it. There had to be something she was concealing. She must have had a reason that made her stay away.

She looked tired and small. She turned behind the screen and began undressing slowly. He was thinking of her letter. She was right, he took her very much like any man would take his wife. She must have hated it.

When she came out of the screen he smiled at her –

"Would you like me to hold you?"

She gave him a puzzled look but wordlessly she stepped into his arms. He was kissing her head absentmindedly as his hands caressed her back slowly. She shivered.

"Are you too tired?" he asked gently.

She swallowed and looked at him with a questioning gaze – "No, well, yes, Oh! I don't know Rhett."

"I told you, I don't want you to do things you don't want to."

"I'm your wife, if you want me, we can…"

He hushed her "I want you all right, but more, I want you to want me. Tell me, were there times that you didn't want us to be this way, and we were nevertheless?"

She moved with unease "I suppose so."

Her eyes lit – "You know, Rhett? At the end of Bonnie's pregnancy I kept trying to seduce you, and you never did. Why is that?"

He looked amazed – "You did?"

"Yes, I wanted you more than anything at the time."

"And now?"

"I want you, I just am so tired tonight." A yawn escaped her and they both laughed. He gathered her to his chest and she dozed off in a few minutes.

After midnight, however she woke to find him sitting by the window staring ahead. She slipped out of the bed and as she approached him he gave her his hands to hold –

"I love you." She said, looking at him, he took her near him and caressed her breasts from above the nightgown. She surprised him when she took it off allowing his eyes to scrutinize her in the moon light. His hand traveled from her breasts to the lines in the lower part of her abdomen – "I don't remember these"

"They were there since I had Bonnie. I hated them. They were purple at first. Dilcey gave me some oil to spread on it after I lost the baby, it was the first time she saw it and she was mad at Mammy for doing nothing about it. I stopped when Bonnie... They help me remember that she was here once"

He kissed them burying his face in her abdomen, followed by his touch between her legs. She was wet. He moved his face backwards –

"Tell me what you want."

"I want to feel" her voice was quiet and her face void of pretense. "Half the time I feel as if I'm dead."

He closed his eyes – "Funny you should ask for my help in that. Don't you see I lost all the life I had in me?"

"You haven't. Nor have I. We just feel that way. Especially when it is dark or rainy. But we are alive." Tears were flowing on her cheeks.

She began undressing him, kneeling on the plush carpet beside him, caressing his long legs with her cheeks. He raised her chin –

"I love you, but I'm not sure it's enough to stay alive."

"It's the night talking. I know" she whispered "It's not you, it's the night."

Her hands caressed his hips and the inner part of his thighs, she felt him respond, and raised her head with a questioning gaze. He stood giving her his hand and taking her in his arms. He was going to make love to her in their bed but she kissed him in a way that made him sit back in the armchair and place her above him. He was sucking her breasts like a starved child, holding her by her abdomen allowing her to dictate the paste of the movement. She felt him swell inside her and kept whispering "You are alive" time and time again "You are alive, we are alive…" As if trying to convince herself, he heard her broken voice whisper "I am alive, I have to be alive"

At that he stopped, without letting her off of him, he rose and took her to the bed. He lay on top of her taking one of her legs up, covering her with his body, and holding her face in his hands –

"You are alive, Scarlett. Thank God you are so alive." Was it the friction or his words, she wouldn't know, but her eyes rolled and she gasped and whimpered in a low tone that was his call to release himself as well within her.

***TRULY YOURS****

The following day she came to the site with him. With her usual forcefulness she criticized several performances of relevant contractors, causing the metal contractor to nearly lose his temper as she made him prove the density of the material, and finding it lacking she threatened to break the contract with him if not replaced promptly.

Rhett was thrilled. He admired her methodological manner in reviewing the several stages and layers of the enterprise. She was right, the morning seemed to lay the restlessness of the prior night in some abandoned place within his soul. She, however, seemed impatient as if not wanting to be there a second more than necessary. He followed her to a lot where the temporary shacks made for offices within the site, the door to the office was kept open on purpose and he heard her voice stood and heard her voice –

"Harry, are the foundations made of the best substances?"

"Yes. I checked and re-checked. After the commotion you made regarding the steel no one will dare toying with this enterprise."

"It's just as well, I wouldn't want this monstrosity to collapse or something of the sort."

"Monstrosity? We copied the façade from the same genre your home is – an imitation of a Swiss Chalet."

"Well, my house is definitely a monstrosity!" she laughed

"Did your husband choose it?"

"God no! Rhett has the best refined taste in the world. It's all my doings."

"Well, you were outvoted in the matter."

"That I was."

So she realized their home was a monstrosity and she took full blame on the matter. He was surprised. He made a note to inquire who were the men who outvoted her in the matter of the design of the building, when he heard his wife with unease –

"Harry, you are overstepping, remember yourself."

"I just want to know if you are happy."

He couldn't hear the muffled voices but soon enough he heard him speak again -

"I'm not buying it. You were happy to see me in Boston."

"Yes, I was. But I was desperately lonely. So perhaps by drinking tea with you and walking in the gardens I deceived you. I regret that deeply."

"You haven't done anything wrong."

"Oh, but I have. I should have known better."

"You never once led me to believe that you were interested in me in that manner."

"Harry, a thousand years ago a man acted with me the way I had with you. It tore me and eventually ruined my life. I will refrain coming here as much as I can for a while. Take this time to get back to your senses."

She left the office, as she noticed her husband she kept walking signaling him to follow her. When they were far enough she turned to him – "I don't know how much you've heard, and if you wish, I'll answer anything you ask, but please don't confront him. "

By the end of the day she was in a foul mood. She had argued with several other contractors for slight breaches in their part, and found the entire ordeal mostly vexing. In the afternoon as she entered the house her tone of speech was stern and she was massaging her temples constantly.

"Bad day, mother?"

"Wade, darling, don't come near me or…"

"You'll blow on me?" the boy laughed dismissing her words hugging her and kissing her cheeks with merriment.

"Now, don't you start with me. Have the all servants left?"

"Yes."

"Wonderful" and she rushed upstairs taking two stairs in each stride.

At this point Wade turned to his step-father "She'll be back with her night-gown and a wrapper, that's what she does after rough days."

"You've become quite the man of the house, son." Rhett himself was tired. It bothered him that she protected that Harry person and that he had courted his wife at his absence.

"No, Uncle Rhett. Mother's done that. In every sense. It's good you're home, she's done it, just like when I was little, but she hates it."

'Does she?' Rhett mused on the boy's words when indeed he saw his wife walking slowly down the stairs with a brown wrapper and slippers.

"Darling, I hope you don't mind if I don't dress up for dinner", she apologized to her husband and kissed him.

After dinner she was in her room writing when he entered –

"Writing letters?"

"Em… Not really." She did not lift her head from the small table and kept writing. He finally came behind her and started massaging her back slowly making her stretch from side to side happily "I just write. It helps me pour things out of me."

"Regarding Harry, Rhett," she began but he stopped her.

"Don't. For now I'd rather you don't talk of other men in our room."

She closed her eyes as an idea crept to her head "Only if you tell me of your women, as I asked."

"You are curious, aren't you?"

She kept quite yet smiling. He took her by the hand to their bed and easily took off most of his cloths. He took her close to him in the bed and in a low voice he started talking.


	8. Chapter 8

"I suppose you want to hear of my coupling experiences more than of my relations with different women" he chuckled

She stretched herself and smiled "I don't mind hearing both. Considering our age gap, I'd be asking you to talk of things that happened before I was born or when at most I was at Ella's age".

"I suppose I should start at the beginning which was with a friend I grew up with. We were both thirteen and she was the one who initiated er- things, which ended rather quickly."

"Ended quickly?"

He tickled her and laughed - "Are you dense or naive - my love? I was rather fast about things, in the bad sense of love-making" he kept laughing now at her embarrassment.

Scarlett ignored him, she had a plan and was not going to let him disturb her.

"Tell me more. Why did she initiate things?"

"Lena was a curious girl, alway daring. She was always with the boys when we were little, looked like a boy some say. Then at thirteen I grew much taller than the rest of the group, she once told me it was that."

Scarlett could picture him tall and slim as a boy, near her son's age. It amazed her, Wade was nearly that age too.

"I'd die if Wade would, well never mind Wade, the thought makes me shrink. What was it like? How was she like? Was she pretty?"

He was stroking her body with his fingers - "I was still half child but I was extremely happy and excited that she let me touch her, that she undressed in front of me. We were at this shack that was temporarily vacant. She took all her clothes first, forbidding me to undress and instructing me how to undress her."

"That's how you learned?" she laughed "And here I thought it was the numerous lovers, when in fact it was this friend of yours?"

He smiled -

"Go on! What was it like?"

"It fascinated me the way her nipples grew smaller and stiff at my touch. I've seen women, especially servants nurse, it was not uncommon. I always averted my eyes as proprietary required."

She felt a tingle of arousal at the thought and her own nipples mirrored the description. He rubbed them almost casually-

"You are actually enjoying this, aren't you?"

She wouldn't let him stop talking "It's non of your business, keep telling"

He breathed deeply – "Would you believe it if I said that I can hardly remember? Lena had long light hair and hardly had the body of a woman. I suppose she did look like a boy. If she did not wear skirts and grow her hair one could mistake her. Even today. I saw her in Charleston briefly last winter. She is as tall as I am, and very skinny."

To his amazement, his wife was on top of him now, kissing him with her tongue shamelessly, she was half whispering "Did you like the body of a girl? You met me when I was sixteen."

He became aroused from her motion on top of him and slid inside her swiftly, he inhaled deeply -

"You are heavenly, Scarlett"

Being inside her he was moving her back and forth lazily – "I prefer women, even at sixteen you were extremely lush, and alluring " He took her breast, covered in the white cloth of the nightgown in his mouth, nipping and biting it slowly, "But that's why I didn't kiss you - you were still half a child."

"I wish you had kissed me more often. Sooner."

"Me too"

"Did you do it with her again?"

"For a while, until I found out that she also saw a cousin of mine, Lorence who was 20 years old."

"She didn't"

"She did, and most happily."

"So you left her?"

"Hmff -" He was biting her slowly "I don't like sharing my woman. You should remember that always." He growled theatrically -

She giggled and then whispered "I don't want to be shared."

After a while he was caressing her slowly, both were trying to get their breath -

"Where did you get this idea, Scarlett?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she teased "I don't know, but during the months of your absence I'd think of you in all sorts of ways." She decided it was dangerous to keep this theme and asked "Did you confront her?"

"Naturally, a lovely mess it was, but only the three of us knew of it, I think, so we let it slide. Haven't you had enough storytelling for one evening?"

She ignored his question and kissed him on his chest playing with the dark mat of hair, noticing the grey hairs that were concentrated in the center valley of his chest. "I decided to trust you. You know?"

He inhaled deeply "You're brave. Braver than me."

"You should try it too, you know?"

"Really? And how far will you go with this trust?"

Looking serious she now said "As far as it takes."

The following days she'd come to meet him each noon at the Emporium and would go through whatever he'd ask her. In no time a month had passed.

"Come to the site Scarlet. It's changed. You'll love it."

She gave him a short look - "In a while."

"Scarlett, you are being absurd - it's your site, and it's been a month."

She lowered her eyes "I just feel so badly about him."

"Why?"

"I knew he was falling in love with me, and it flattered me because I was broken and miserable especially after New York. He is young."

"I'm not sure he's not older than you."

"Oh, you know it's beside the point. I don't want anyone to go through what I had gone through."

"Let me talk with him."

"Don't you dare!" she shrieked.

"Why?"

"It's as if Ashley would send Melly to console me, or reprobate me."

"Don't you trust me?"

She realized she was trapped - "You promise to be kind?"

He laughed "Am I falling in my own trap?"

"Only if you wish."

Harry Glowner was a tall man with wide shoulders. He had a rough chin and darkness in his features that almost hid the mere thirty years of his existence. He has grown in the better part of Savannah coming to Atlanta was graduating the engineering program at Yale, up north. He had had his share of lovers and girls but none of the women he met found their way to his heart like this small woman who was standing at the end of the lumber yard. He had seen her from afar during the past month, coming and going from the emporium. It was odd to see her dressed in colors as he had seen her in her constant mourning cloths for a year or so. At that morning after missing his usual coffee he had a foul mood, seeing her at the site brought a smile to his face, only to have faded a minute later as he saw her lean on her husband's arm.

"Mr. Glowner, won't you join us? Scarlet's been telling me of your expertise in foundations."

He took a long breath and joined -

"Good morning Harry." Scarlett smiled at him giving him her hand for a kiss.

He kissed the tip of her hand as accustomed and found a sincere smile in her face. She seemed different, only he could not put a finger to the source of difference.

The conversation flew in Rhett's uncanny maneuver. Scarlett was listening most of the time, although she was not withdrawn. After a while Rhett smiled and patted the young man on his back -

"I see my wife was right to tell me that you are brilliant. If you are not engaged otherwise I'd like to invite you as my guest to the Bank's Tobacco Club this afternoon, I'd like to hear more of your ideas and you may find other investors who might be interested in your expertise there."

"But Rhett, we were going to Aunt Pitty's this afternoon." interrupted Scarlet.

He smiled at his wife, obviously oblivious to his intentions "You go, I'll join you by six."

She raised her brow "Well, you never had much patience with her, it may be for the best if you come near the end of my visit to escort us home."

Both men laughed as she moved along to


	9. Chapter 9

**It took me ages. One very sweet guest review made me continue.**

"Are you expecting anyone?" Scarlett asked Pittipat Hamilton as she noticed her constant peeks at the French doors.

"Is Captain Butler not coming?"

"No, he is with one of our engineers at The Bank Tobacco Club. He will drop by at six to escort me home".

The woman kept fidgeting with evident discomfort.

"Auntie, won't you please come down?"

The elder woman did not respond

"Then it will be just us and perhaps India too."

Scarlett gave up trying to calm down the lady and asked "Aren't any of your friends coming?"

"No. Dolly feels too grateful and awkward to call in when you are here. And the others, well, they just feel so ashamed, I suppose."

Scarlett was wordless. She had never heard Pitty say a word of criticism against the old matrons who had been in her circle her entire life.

"And they should be." She added "For years I'd cry when they'd say that you weren't worthy of poor Charlie. It was as if they took pleasure in tormenting me and speaking badly of you."

Scarlett looked at her with some regret "I never thought it caused any hardships on anyone beside myself. I suppose I ..."

"You provided for all of us. And now that Dolly is at your debt she finally realizes how fortunate was, for all of us, the day you set your eyes on Charlie. Enough of that, though. You look tired, Scarlett. You should be careful not to overexert yourself. Why Dolly just told me that Maybelle had a cold for over two weeks and a strong one it was…"

Scarlett felt annoyed as she always did in view of the old lady's fuss, and she found herself wool-gathering in no time. It was with a hazy gaze that India found her a few minutes later.

"You seem tired, Scarlett. Are you ill?" India ignored the pleasantries "Have you been exhausting yourself at the site?"

Scarlett sighed and smiled "No, quite the contrary, since Rhett's return I've been avoiding the site most of the time after handing the whole project to him on the first day."

"You have to do something about your sleep. You used to have horrible nightmares. I always wondered how you handled the mills and the store after nights of such torment. I myself hadn't had good night sleep since Charlie's demise" mentioned Pitty.

"Great balls of fire, Auntie! You suddenly speak of everything?"

"Yes." The pained look silenced all three.

Amazed at her awareness she thought the old woman incapable of, she let the truth slip " It must be the weather change because I've been sleeping better than I have in years now that... er-" after a short blush and an awkward pause India surprised them by talking –

"I'd never imagine you'd have nightmares. I never believed Melly when she claimed that the two of you walked through hell together. Well, until she passed away I thought nothing touched you. But you were actually with her through Beau's birth, with no help and with Wade. How old was he?"

"Two" Scarlett moved with unease and the memories flooded her. She shook the memory of Melanie's labor with Beau when she heard Pitty's clear voice –

"I am sorry I left. I never asked your forgiveness, Scarlett."

She was astounded "Forgiveness?"

"Yes. The two of you were so young, and here I was running away with Uncle Peter."

"There was nothing you could have done to help. It's not as if you could nurse or deliver the baby any better than I did. But to be frank, and despite the fact that my nightmares started after that, I don't think that it had anything to do with that. It was more mother's death, father's mental decline, the hunger and with everyone on my head. No, it was never Melly. She was so sweet even during that day, apologizing constantly for keeping me away from my mother, with the pain she must have been in."

The three women sat joined in grief for their loss.

Pitty smiled – "We never did this. Just talk about her. I mean the whole town speaks of her even after a year. When they come here they talk about her in this hushed voice, so that I won't hear. What do they know? Uncle Peter and I, we raised her since my brother's death. Why didn't we?"

India's pale face suddenly smiled "Could you imagine me speak with Scarlett, let alone mourn with her? Yes, I promised Melly to be kind to Scarlett no matter what. But actually mourn?"

"Stranger things have happened" protested Pitty.

Scarlett joined India's laughter and in between giggles uttered "A miracle, no less. Probably Melly's doing from above"

After a while a silence once again lingered.

India served the three with tea. Scarlett stood and walked slowly towards the window.

"I am tired."

"Go to Dr. Mead, Scarlett" offered India quietly.

"I stopped going to him. I go to the young Jewish doctor across town. Dr. Rosenfeld"

"Dear God!" exclaimed Pitty "What would people say?!".

"It's too late to care about that, don't you think?" she smiled with no humor "Caroline Mead doesn't get to flaunt information regarding my health all over town" Scarlett added "And he is a good physician. The doctor that cared for me in Chicago recommended him."

"What did he say?" asked India, indifferent to the fact that Scarlett had chosen to leave Dr. Mead's practice.

"Oh, I hadn't gone to him lately, and it's only been this way a few days now. He saw me after Chicago and then after New York, and I was fine. Auntie, you too should let him check on you, perhaps he can ease your fainting spells."

"I don't need any easement with my spells, thank you very much!" exclaim the elder woman.

For a second time both Scarlett and India burst laughing.

"Don't you dare tell anyone, but now that I really am sad I ask myself if it bothered her that I was always requiring care, when in fact she was the fragile one."

Both woman were about to respond "Oh, don't respond to me, I know she loved me, she and Charlie used to laugh so much about my fainting spells, hiding my smelling salts when they thought I wasn't looking. When Melly was 12 years old I heard Charlie telling her not to worry, that as soon as something interesting will happen I'd come to my senses. I was unconscious at the time" she blushed slightly. "After that she was mostly kind to my face about the matter, but they'd laugh, and I'd hear and laugh. In fact, when things would get boring or nervous I'd faint just for the fun of it. For their sake…" a fat tear rolled down her wrinkled cheeks. "Lord, how I miss her! It should have been me, not her. I'm so much older."

"Hush Auntie" Scarlett was trying to walk disguising her growing fatigue "It's the evening speaking. It's not really you. What good would it do to us you dying? It wouldn't bring her back."

The three sat again sipping their tea in silence.

"Miss Scarlett, Captain Butler is here" the old butler announced.

"Tell him to come in and greet me" ordered the old lady.

Hearing her from the front Rhett entered with surprise written on his face.

"Captain Butler, you look mighty fine. I'm glad you came in. I wanted to see for myself. Scarlett did say you were well."

"You look fine too, Ms. Hamilton." The voice coming from him reminded Scarlett the way he would speak with Melanie.

"I shall put my cape on." Scarlett turned to leave.

"I am glad you returned, we were worried for you and for Scarlett. She missed you so. Though she took care of everyone and everything, she was so sad most of the time."

Embarrassed Rhett nodded.

On their way home she smiled at him "She's become a real matron. She says what she thinks to anyone. Even to you. Could you believe it? Today was the first time she actually…." She was panting, after a while she added "Right after Melly died, I returned her the allowance we used to give her and apologized for ever stopping."

"Are you well?"

"Tired."

The fact that she answered him frankly seemed odd for a minute.

"Should I call Dr. Mead?"

"I have a new doctor. Dr. Rosenfeld. I'll call on him tomorrow if it doesn't get better. I feel a little faint, that's all. Must be the change of season."

Minutes after they arrived he found her dozing in the parlor.

She looked the same.

As soon as Prissy arrived he sent her out to fetch the doctor.

…..

"What should I do Doctor?"

"If you were my wife I'd put an end to this pregnancy. The fetus is probably not developing as it is. You have a severe infection. The pain you had is nothing to be ignored."

"Doctor" she gave his a long look "You will not inform my husband of the risks you detailed before me. You will keep my confidence as you had promised."

The young doctor looked at her with sad eyes "You are a mother of two. The risk is high."

"You promised."

"Most chances are that this pregnancy has already ended. You are not well. You might have others, healthy ones."

Her eyes were closed and tears were pouring - "Tell him something. Anything that is not this. I shall come tomorrow to your clinic and you will end this."


	10. Chapter 10

"Mrs. Butler, I cannot do as you ask. It is not practical. You will be bed ridden for two weeks if you are lucky. Let me talk to him, he won't be mad for the decision."

She opened her eyes "It's not that. We've lost a child over a year ago, and before that I had that fall and the miscarriage. I just don't want him to…"

"Let me talk to him. I will know how to put things in the best light possible."

….YT…..

She did not leave her room. She lay there staring at the ceiling in her sofa.

"Mother?" her daughter's voice rang like a tune in her ears "Uncle Rhett sent me to inform you that he will be bringing you your supper and eat with you later."

The red headed girl entered the room and then paused, looking alarmed.

"Mommy, are you well? Uncle Rhett said you were ill, but you cried."

Scarlett cursed herself silently.

"Come Baby, give your mommy a hug. I'm sick, but the doctor says I'll be well in no time."

"Is it your ribs?"

"No, darling, it's something else, but I'll be fine. I just wasn't planning on becoming sick, so I cried like a silly little ninny."

Ella smiled, her mother would berate her for being a ninny when she'd cry or complain.

"Would you like to help me untie my hair?"

"That would be splendid, Mommy! Just sit at the vanity so you can see yourself…"

"No, I prefer to do it here, I have to get used to this bed for the coming month."

….YT….

"The children are asleep. How are you?"

She gulped and closed her eyes with resign.

"You chose well, with the doctor."

His eyes were weary, her heart sank –

"Rhett, I'm so sorry…"

"Don't" he stopped her "The doctor explained your concerns. My only concern is your health. You are more important than a child who never came. I wish to God I've been more careful."

"It's not you. The doctor says we can have other babies. Dr. Mead also told me, back when…"

He was holding her hand, brushing it with her palm.

She gave him a short look and burst crying. As he held her she whispered "I'm in so much pain, Rhett, it's getting worse. I so wanted everything to be alright."

He held her for a while but her shivering did not stop.

"Bring the doctor, Rhett."

The night was never longer. She felt herself drained minute after minute.

The pain was unbearable.

She was vomiting, shivering uncontrollably.

The doctor gave her examination and smiled "Now is as good a time as the morning, I'll go prepare."

"Rhett, if I don't get passed this will you promise me to raise Ella as your own? Be kind to her? Pamper her? Wade has Aunt Pitty and he is older. Besides he is so much like me, I know he will survive," she was fighting for air "but I don't want him to raise her. He is too young. He should be able to leave. Go to College up North like his father. And she deserves to be loved. She so needs to be loved."

"Darling, don't you know that I love both of them?"

"My arm is in pain. My neck and arm! Good Lord. Thank goodness Mammy isn't here."

He looked at her and paled, "Doctor! Doctor!"

"You've seen this before, haven't you?" she looked at him wide eyed weakly. "I've seen this during the war. I remember. I'm bleeding to my gut."

After a pause she added "There are two drawers, one beside my bed, and the other one behind the stool by the window. In both you will find letters I've written. Take them." From beside the bed she handed him another one "Take this one too."

The doctor entered the room with two nurses – "Sir, you will have to stay out."

He smiled at her holding the morphine bottle – "Now, Mrs. Butler, let's make you better. Remind me, you have two children?"

As the soaked cotton touched her she tried to answer but despite herself was becoming dazed.

….YT….

He was looking at the dark corridor. The sounds from inside seemed like miles away. What was he going to do? He wiped his forehead and was half surprised to find his hand wet. Despite the coolness of the night he's been perspiring terribly.

The bundle of papers was in his sweaty palms. He took an armchair from a side room and placed it near the door of her room. Their room. Placing a lamp by it.

The top page was written in coarse letters. In a haste driven by pain. She must have written it while he was out fetching the doctor.

He hadn't seen the pile from the other drawer. Yes, he read most of the letters in the side drawer of their bed. During the passing month he saw her writing. Sometimes she'd claim she's writing her aunt and others she'd simply say that she is clearing her head. As odd as it may seem he resented the moments in which she was with her ink and papers. It felt as if he was left out. During the last week though, he hadn't seen her writing, after he had approached the matter a few days before.

-Tell me the truth, are you writing a diary, Scarlett? Don't tell me you are clearing your head again. I find you head is perfectly clear all the time.

She paused giving him a long look she smiled –

-Why can't you for once pretend that you believe me?

-Because you are the worse liar I ever met.

-No I'm not!

After a pause she smiled at him –

-It's not what I'm doing, you want to know what I'm thinking, isn't it? You're jealous, aren't you?

He was surprised at her observation but nodded with anticipation.

-I promised myself I will deny you nothing, so if you must know, I'm writing some of my thoughts as letters. Sometimes to you, to Melly, even the children.

-Can't you talk to me about the things you write me?

-NO

He kissed her till she moaned "Now, can you tell me?" he asked not without mirth in his low tone.

"You are impossible" she groaned "Well, if you must know I just thought that sometimes I can lie to you, like when I almost tricked you to marrying me at the jail. If it wasn't for my hands you would have fallen for that."

He had to give it to her. Whenever he'd mention that scene in the past she'd frown and feel humiliated.

"Maybe at that moment I was too dazed because of my desperation for female company".

"And you thought I was mad at you for not coming at Christmas. I wasn't. I was worried"

After some silence in which she nestled in his arms he spoke "Talk to me Scarlett. You needn't fear I'd judge you for anything you think or do. We're past it. Besides, even if I do, it will pass."

She inhaled slowly "I'll try." And yet she did not disclose her thoughts for that day. She simply left the desk abandoned during their time together.

He sat back and began with the top letter –

 _Last Will and Testament_

 _It is with clear mind and spirit that I Katie Scarlett Butler give all my earthly belongings to my husband, R.K. Butler. I hereby nominate him as the sole guardian of my children Wade Hampton Hamilton and Ella Lorena Kennedy and manage the estates on their name till the age of 30._

 _It is my wish to be buried by my daughter Eugene Victoria (Bonnie)._

 _I hereby nominate Henry Hamilton as the executer of this will._

 _Today … Katie Scarlett O'Hara Butler_

He breathed hard. She had given him all her belongings. No mention of Ashley, even Beau. Shel left it all to his discretion.

He took the top letter of the second drawer.

 **Rhett,**

How grateful I am for your home coming.

In years I hadn't felt this happy as I have these past few weeks.

I feel a life had been formed in me. Could it be that we are receiving yet another chance of happiness. Will you be happy, I wonder. You still seem so bitten at times. I keep reminding you it is the evening, for I know it, it's the darkness that keeps our hearts at such despair, when it happens.

You've been looking at me suspiciously while I write, but I fear telling you of this, just yet. I want you to notice from my body. I hated the deformation pregnancy caused in my first three pregnancies, and now, silly me, I can't wait.

I thought of how you dismissed the wet nurse when Bonnie was born. I was mad at you. I never cared much for that. But when I fed her, you'd sit and watch both of us. If only I let you nearer at the time.

I want us to have a son, one that will have your eyes and smile.

Will you be mad at me for keeping this from you?

I know I should go and check myself at the doctor's, but I fear he'll dismiss me for craziness. It had only been three weeks since you came.

But I know it, I just do.

 **Truly Yours,**

 **Scarlett**

 **Darling Rhett,**

In the afternoon I heard you laugh with Wade while galloping in the back yard. I allowed myself to cry. "If only" two words I keep promising myself not to pronounce. Each time I fall for that again and again.

After dinner Wade asked me if I loved his father as much as I love you. I told him that I was too young to be able to have the feelings I have today. I added that today I can't feel things the way I felt back then. He was my husband for two weeks, but my son will always feel something missing from his life.

To ease his young heart I told him that his father was a lot like his sweet aunt - Melly. I added that if he had survived the war I bet none of us would have suffered as much as we had.

After our conversation I felt half crippled. How can I do justice to any of my children when the emotion I feel for their fathers is such a pale shade of what I feel for you; When I see their death as my liberation. I hate myself for knowing that during the first months after her death, I wished one of them had died and not Bonnie. When we have a child I fear that Ella, especially my sweet Ella, will feel less loved. I pray to God that the love I have for them is the most a mother can have, and that my love for you won't blind me, in time.

 **Truly Yours,**

 **Scarlett**

'Her liberation'. He hadn't slept the night Frank was found dead. Even after, when he was in his hotel room. It was _his_ emancipation. His chance. He thought of the two children sleeping at the end of this hall. He would ask their permission to adopt them. Scarlett was right. Wade had transformed during the passing year, like the awakening of a butterfly. He was enchanting. Rhett smiled as he thought of the many hearts young Wade would break in the near future. He wondered if the endless fighting he'd seen between himself and his mother would deter him from marriage, as he himself, for years, thought he'd never marry.

He closed his eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

-Captain Butler?

He raised his eyes from the papers he'd been reading. A nurse who had come was addressing him. The darkness and light from the lantern causing her face to look remind him a drawing by Rafael he had seen in his travels. Guilt flooded him. He never took her to France, was a thought that came in mind again. During Bonnie's short life, even now.

-Captain Butler?

Nodding, he shook the hazy look from his eyes and stood.

-The doctor wishes for you to come in. We are done for now.

She turned her back and headed towards their room.

The stench of blood was the first thing that hit him as he entered the room. He saw a pile of cotton soaked in blood in the corner of the drawer.

The doctor petted his arm reassuringly –

-She is a strong lady, your wife. In a few weeks-time, her body will have fully recovered.

-Please give me all the details.

Rhett looked weary, nonetheless determined. The doctor smiled

-The pregnancy developed inside the trumpet instead the uterus. It happens. We don't know why, but it does. Early this evening the trumpet exploded causing the internal bleeding. We had to amputate the trumpet, but other than that we stopped the bleeding soon enough. There is a scar along her abdomen that will heal in a few weeks and loss of blood, of course to consider. But in a few months' time she can even try and for a child; given her other trumpet is still there.

Rhett's awe was not left amiss.

\- Up North, the female body is of fascination these days. I specialized in this particular field. I know that here most doctors let the women bleed to death out of ignorance, but I aim to do all the necessary to save the mother first.

Rhett thanked him. The doctor refused to be paid at the moment saying that there will be plenty of time for that the following day. He sat by her. The doctor had said she'd wake up in a few hours due to the large dose of morphine he had given her, leaving some opium for later consumption. He warned Rhett about the implications of excessive use.

He was dozing beside her. The smell of soap engulfed the room, having been cleaned by the two nurses before leaving. A small voice besides him uttered

-Is mother sick?

In her night gown and barefoot Ella stood rubbing her eyes with a fist.

He opened his arms and she climbed to his lap.

-She is healing. She was sick but the doctor came during the night and did what's necessary to heal her.

He was caressing her hair slowly, thinking of his wife's request regarding her daughter.

-Would you like me to tuck you in again? It's too early for you to be around and about.

-Can I sleep with Mommy?

-No Honey. Your mother has a wound that needs healing. She can't be rocked. That's why I have been sleeping here on this chair. Maybe in a few days we can put a mattress beside the bed, would you like that?

The child nodded as the tears began to flow. He was hugging her, making soothing sounds. The next thing he saw was his wife's smile when he woke up for a minute, with Ella still enwrapped in his arms.

****YT****

When a very frustrated Scarlett was finally let down of her bed it was the beginning of the summer.

-I can't understand why I had to lie down for eight weeks if you are claiming that I am fine!

Rhett saw the doctor exchange a scolding look that would have frightened less courageous patients, but not her.

-You said that the entire blood system replenishes in six weeks, so why the other two? Isn't it bad enough?

-As I explained yesterday and the day before Mrs. Butler, you had a lot of tissues to rebuild and heal with the scar and amputation.

-Scarlett, stop harassing the doctor, you are up and about now, aren't you?

-And confined to this floor, no stairs and no nothing! Good Gracious, I feel fine! For weeks now I feel fine, except this boredom that could kill me! The whole building must be up and…

-Hardly. Rhett laughed with true merriment - But now I know that you are better, it is the first time you've mentioned the construction.

The weeks of healing were trying ones. She'd snap at the slightest irritation. She had even rushed Mrs. Merriwether out when she came visiting, for lack of satisfaction on the figures. The evenings were the worse. Each evening she'd have to push her nightmares while being awake. It was not unnoticed. Despite her efforts she had found herself quarreling with both her husband and son. The only one who seemed to escape her wrath was Ella.

Despite her protests in front of the doctor, Rhett found her indifference to be the most alarming. He'd find her staring at the pointless space in front of her at times, or crying for no reason.

The doctor gazed at the man in front of him and took his last words to consideration. He sighed and turned to both of them

-Mrs. Butler, as far as you physical condition goes I must confess that I am beyond satisfied. You have had no complications and given my last examination I believe that you are well now. Yes, I want you to rest so that your recently healed organs will strengthen, but you are fine. How are _you_ feeling?

-What do you mean? I still suffer from pain, especially in the evening, but, you didn't mean that, now did you? She puzzled

-How are _you_ feeling, Mrs. Butler? It is not uncommon for a person who had passed what you have to experience a state of, how shall I put it? Shock, or severe anxiety. Be more prone to distress and…

He couldn't finish his words for the flow of tears were a confirmation to what he had suspected was the case of the lady in front of him.

-I see. Well, I shall send my friend John Pemberton a note, to send you some of his **Pemberton's French Wine Coca**. It might help, and it is safer then morphine for the pain and it's been found to assist with mild cases of hysteria and melancholy.

-My wife has been crying a lot.

Scarlett gave Rhett a scolding gaze, how she hated demonstration of weakness, especially her own, nonetheless he continued.

-Especially in the evenings.

At that a small snort escaped her, really! He had the goal! Why she had been the one to explain to him that the evenings were no good for both of them, and how could he make a point of _her_ distress in the afternoons when she had been laying here for eight weeks.

-As I said, it is not uncommon. In fact, it would be uncommon if she had reacted otherwise. Your wife had passed a near-death experience, an extremely painful one, I might add. If you had been wounded by a bullet, imaging that pain and multiply it ten times. The explosion of her inner organ was one ordeal that most don't survive.

She closed her eyes and felt the tears pouring. It had been her constant nightmare, imaginings of her death or the death of Bonnie, her parents, Melanie, her childhood friends, and even worse, images of her two living children dead would cross her tortured mind. Of her husband.

She felt Rhett's warm arms enfold her. She was still shaking a long time after the doctor had left. She lift her head and pierced his eyes with a haunted look –

-I keep seeing pictures of you and Wade and Ella dead. I keep thinking that if I lose you, I'd really have no reason to keep living.

He sighed "The entire year I had been away I had these thoughts. We shall overcome this. I know we will"

Indeed, Pemberton's French Wine Coca was surprisingly sweet.

-Who would have thought that of all the beverages, you'd end up with The Intellectual Tonic, designated and consumed by scientists, scholars, poets, divines, lawyers, physicians, and others devoted to extreme mental exertion?

-Darling, don't be mean. You've managed to avoid it for weeks now, your basic character, I refer to, that is. Besides, if you behave I just might spare you some.

With his brow raised and a comical expression on his face he asked -

-Why should I want it, darling?

-It's rather tasty, and what more, Pemberton claims that it is a most wonderful invigorator of sexual organs.

************YT******************

 **Wow, it takes me ever so long to write this. I am still aiming towards a Yours Truly happy ending so in a few more, we will find it… And for those who want for some Wikipedia info,** **Pemberton** **was the inventor of the beverage yet to be known as Coca Cola. Intellectual indeed (Was it the cocaine that was still part of it?).**


	12. Chapter 12

**Something soft, towards the end with this one, probably will finish Milady after that. R &R. I have a one-shot that is pending… Then I shall go on a break and expect to read some more of the lovely stories this fandom supplies, R&R**

She had been down this path before. She put her papers in the drawer. Too many times she had read these words written so long ago.

She found herself leaving the house and walking to a different part of town. It seemed that her legs had taken her to the little street where her doctor lived.

-It is only natural that your husband would be worried and careful.

-Will I be a mother again?

-Mrs. Butler, from what I saw you are a mother to two wonderful children. You are blessed. But as you are asking me of your future children, there is a possibility that you will be a mother again. Only, this time, you will be confined to your bed the whole time. Are you up to that?

Was she up to that? She nodded quietly. Never in her life had she craved for something more than his child. Her husband's child. She wanted to bear his children. Six or even seven, if possible.

'I must be going crazy. One baby is bad for one's figure. Something has really gone wrong with me.' But the thought of several children running in her gardens made her smile a wide smile.

-I'll do anything.

-Well, in that case I will pay your good man a visit in an hour or so.

Her next stop was at the old emporium. It was humming with activity. She managed to stay in the shadows, a blue vail covering her face partly. She saw all the old matrons of Atlanta sharing tea at the round tables she made Mrs. Meriwether put. She was no longer needed here, she realized. She had invested well and the money was pouring back to her pockets.

Sometime later she realized she was too tired to walk home. Deliberately and slowly she took off her bonnet, making some matrons to gasp as they saw her pale face appear from behind the vail.

-Scarlett! What a lovely surprise.

Her voice and wrinkles proved that she felt quite the opposite. Nevertheless, Mrs. Meriwether approached her and kissed her cheek.

-You look lovely. I am so glad you came to the Café.

Scarlett raised her eyes and something in the calm cool gaze made the older lady hush.

-Dolly, please arrange for Hugh to take me home. He is here, isn't he?

The ride home was short. Yet, Hugh Elsing found it in his courage to tell her that her presence was missed.

-Is Dolly kind to you, Hugh?

-I can't complain. I will admit that I'd take your reprimanding any day to her...

For the first time in his life he saw Scarlett laugh, a true free laughter.

-Poor Hugh! Now you can't even complain, now can you? All the city won't join you this time.

He looked at her, at first with hesitation and some fear. When he saw that she actually meant her words and was smiling at him with no resentment or mock in her eyes he smiled.

\- I always wondered why you never fired me. Now she can't, because you didn't. I'd quit if I had some other way to provide for my family.

-Hugh, I did not fire you for the same reason that I kept caring for whoever was left at Tara after the war. No one appreciated that either. Except Melly, that is.

-I shouldn't talk of it, but my sister married a month ago to ease her family's financial situation. For Tommy Jr. and for my parents, same as you did with old Frank. No one dared speak of her the same way they did...

-Poor Fanny. I always blamed myself for Tommy's-

\- Don't, Mrs. Butler. None of any of it was your fault. You never asked us to go on that raid. In fact, Frank told us that you were dead against the Klan.

She patted his hand before she descended off the carriage with his help to find a worried Rhett at the entrance of the mansion.

-Don't blame yourself Mrs. Butler.

Rhett looked at the scene troubled. He stayed behind for a few moments with Hugh and then came inside.

-I sent Pork and that stable boy to look for you.

-I'm sorry, darling, I went to see the Café and time just slipped off my fingers. Rhett, will you take me dancing tonight? Or to eat at The Atlanta Hotel?

-What's the matter, honey? Are you well?

-Oh, I'm well. I'm sick of you treating me like some invalid. Please, can't you –

She choked at her words. Here she was, wanting to seduce him and instead falling to a place of complaints and accusations.

-Never mind, Rhett, I'll go change and eat in my chambers. I've been out too long.

In her chambers she was restless. Her mind was scattered. She forgot she intended to change her cloths and sat idly grazing her fingers at the bed covers.

He entered the room quietly. She hardly heard the door open and close. As she lift her eyes she saw him smile.

-I think you need help undressing.

She forced a smile to her face.

-My thoughts exactly. Thank heavens my husband is my own private mind-reader.

-I am, am I not?

-I am not so sure any more. For instance, what am I thinking of now?

-One of his hands held her waist carefully, while the other opened the little buttons at the front of her dress. As half of it was open he did not bother with the rest and covered one of her breasts with his warm palm.

-Am I getting there?

How she missed those teasing smiles. She tilt her head backwards and smiled –

-What do you think? You are supposed to be the mind-reader.

-I think that your breast has missed me.

His thumb rubbed her nipple from above the thin cloth. The saw it harden, and he half laughed.

-Not only this one.

-So the other one too?

-Hmff.

Her breasts were revealed to him now from above her dress that has not been taken off yet.

-And I missed your breasts, in case you were wondering.

-Just a little bit, wondering, that is.

His mouth was on top of one now, his tongue teasing it. She brought his head down to it. With his legs he pushed her to the bed.

-Wait, don't you want me to take off—

-Not yet. I always dreamed of how it would be like to be breast fed by you.

And so he put her against the cushions and began sucking her left breast as if trying to exert fluids from it. Her hands were cradling his head. He pulled at her nipple mercilessly at times but she just smiled at him.

-Are you mine?

She nodded.

-Are these mine?

She nodded.

-So, when we have this baby you so crave for, you'll invite me to drink from you?

She was panting and nodding.

-Say it.

She was confused. What did he expect her to say?

-Say it Scarlett – that you are craving for _my_ baby.

-I want to carry your children more than anything.

-Children?

Once that dam has fallen it was out there threatening to drown her, she'd say it all, he was nibbling her ear, she gathered some air and whispered

\- Six or seven, if I can, if you'll want. I have so much love to give. I can see them running in the garden, playing with mud, ruining the parlor, your fine suits, making you laugh and smile till your face aches from it -

His caress became more gentle,

-God, Rhett, how I crave for you, for your children, for your body inside me, with or without babies.

Her words had the desired effect and she felt him tense against her

-Keep talking Scarlett

-And you'll make love to me while I am pregnant?

He began laughing

-According to your doctor, that would be quite impossible, you'll have to rest, at least at the first pregnancy since you are planning so many.

-Oh, I don't care, so I will touch you –

-And you'll nurse me? I remember drops of your milk on your nightgown, that was so alluring, I almost-

The picture came to her mind and made her blush

-You should have.

-For the rest of our lives you are mine, and mine alone.

She lay backwards in the bed, closing her eyes as she uttered words that made her blush.

-I am yours.

-And you'll nurse me along with our child –

-Er—yes—

-Say it.

She did not know why it was so difficult to utter those words, but she decided to let go completely, surrender to her own want for him and to this fantasy he was sharing with her. Her eyes opened, wide, her face glowing as she gathered his face towards her dark nipple.

-I will open my dress to you and cradle you like I do now, and you'll taste my milk and have it.

His eyes were closed as he relished her breast. In a rare moment of understanding she saw his big body and realized what his fantasy was about.

-And I'll love you, Rhett, more than life, always.

She was kissing his forehead and her free hand went towards the bulge at his front.

-And I'll love this, even if I have to lie in bed for nine whole months.

-And you'll let me touch you while I nurse?

-Whenever and whichever way you want.

She opened her legs slightly to find his hand going straight to her core. He was gentle but she pushed herself toward him. He brought her close to her climax when his hand left to be replaced by the part of him she so longed to feel.

 _***Yours Truly***_

 _A year later_

-Rhett?

-Ha?

-Rhett, wake-up.

-What's the matter?

-I have something for you.

-Can't it wait till Gracie wakes us both up?

-I may lose my nerve and not give it to you.

She took a boot that was standing beside the bed and drew from within the scroll of paper she had written on so long ago.

-I know you read all the others. I've known all along. I suppose I hoped you'd get them in the first place. But this one I kept away, it's for you.


	13. Chapter 13

**Really had a writer's block. You are all welcome to PM me regarding Milady's fate. Hope you enjoy it.**

Henry Hamilton was pacing like a caged lion in the parlor. She entered the room and realized the matter. Before he began talking she said quietly -

"He'll be back"

"I know. I'm upset with you my dear. There was no reason for you to entrust him with last year's events. For God's sake! He came back and you had a child!"

"Henry, Ella will be down here any moment now. You shouldn't talk of this now. I'll say only this - I haven't told he everything."

"The ignorant fool. He's enraged because he thinks you were courted? You did nothing wrong."

"You didn't think so when I contemplated leaving to England. And there's Ashley - always stupid Ashley..."

The older man was furious "He knows that Wilkes holds no charm to you, or does he not?"

"Henry, I told him some parts of everything - Ashley, and that I contemplated in accepting Morgan's offer to come and live with -."

"But Morgan is of no threat to him! She was nothing more than confusion."

She gave him a long look and he shrugged "Besides, why didn't you burn those letters? I told you-"

"And I disagreed. We've been through this darling."

"Don't darling me."

She smiled a faint smile "But you are a darling."

"Scarlett - I never disagreed with you for propriety's sake. You are the child I'll never have, being as I am, and as you know me. But you shouldn't live like me. I always hide. Always."

"Not to me, you don't."

"You were the first brave person I met all my life, except Melly, and she was too delicate for-"

"For you to confess your ways?"

"It took you some time too, to accept me as I am."

"I still feel bad about my reaction."

"You simply fainted my dear. You could have reacted worse."

They laughed.

"Rhett doesn't know of me, does he?"

"He wonders, but he saw us and he noticed there is nothing romantic." She smiled reassuringly.

"Good. He's not like you, my sweet one. And so I'll write him and threaten to hunt him down like any primitive gentleman should."

"You won't tell him that Morgan was - er - no threat?"

Henry smiled and kissed her cheek before he left.

It was a windy afternoon. The dance of the falling leaves in front of her made her smile , thinking of the semblance to her state of mind. The park was nearly empty. As she felt a small hand touch her arm she turned her head -

"Ella, Grace is as red as the soil beneath your feet" she laughed.

"Mummy, have you found me a new teacher? I can't stand Lara, she is nothing like Ms. Charlotte"

"No one is like Charlotte, dear. I miss her too."

"Will Uncle Rhett return by Thanksgiving?"

"I don't know, darling, perhaps."

"He would never recognize Grace - She's so big."

Scarlett smiled appreciatively at her elder child - "Ella, have I told you today how fortunate Grace is to have you as her big sister? Aunt Sue and Aunt Careen never had such luck with me."

The child beamed.

As she opened the mansion's door she smelled a faint odour of horses, leather and tobacco.

"Henry, dear, is that you?"

Two men came out of the parlor. Henry was one of them.

He was home. Again.

Ella's fast talk and laughter gave her some time to compose herself. When he approached her by the side of the stroller she raised her head to him with a questioning look, ready for anything, but she found a questioning look returning her gaze.

"Darling! I was sure you'd be gone for weeks, that your businesses…" she made her voice sound light and raised her arms towards his neck.

He shrugged and as he yielded to her hug he whispered in her ear he whispered "Thank you" Louder he added - "Two weeks were too much as it is. I do need to go again but this time all of us will be traveling together to Europe, if that is alright with you."

Sometime later she was nursing her baby in her room when he entered.

"Scarlett, can we talk?"

Her heart was beating fast, for a second she shut her eyelids but he hadn't noticed. He didn't wait for her to answer.

"I'm sorry I left, but-"

"But you needed to. I know. I hoped it wouldn't be so, but I thought that once you read that last one you'd find it hard to stay. I've known from the beginning that you'd need your time alone." She choked "And now? What now?"

"I'll stay if you'll have me." he was at the other side of the room.

"I want you to stay. Of course I want you, that hadn't changed. It can't change."

"Then why did-"

"Why did I let another man woo me for six months?"

"Did you -"

"I told you I never. I wouldn't lie to you. I'd just avoid it if it were otherwise."

"You liked him."

"I liked him very much, Rhett. He was nice and kind and I sent him away." There was a pleading note in her voice.

"You know what killed me the most?"

"That I considered it." her face was bent down but her voice clear.

"You could have burned it. Now-"

"I suppose I could have, but I wanted you to know from me."

"Only after we had Grace."

Her baby was on her so she couldn't leave - "When we first met again you said that you'd accept it if I did much more than allow a man court me. I knew that you were lying to me and perhaps to yourself. But I never have. At the end of the day I sent him away before I did any of the things that -."

"Did Henry read those letters?"

"No, but he knows of this habit of mine."

Silence lingered in the room. It was too much for him for a moment.

"Wade too?"

"No."

"Who else?"

"Regarding Morgan - some people saw us in Philadelphia perhaps. Regarding Ashley - half Atlanta. I refrained from trying to keep pretense. Henry shielded me from the fat-tongued ladies at first and the rest I did on my own - as I wrote. I stood up to him. I think he created the scene on purpose."

"Ashley?"

"Yes. He wanted it for some odd reason."

She saw his fists clench and smiled a small smile, but he saw it.

"What are you not telling me?"

"I made him go throughout the city and explain both cases, the one from his long forgotten birthday and this one. I screamed at him in front of Aunt Pitty and India. I was quite mad with grief myself at the time. But some people may still talk…"

"But in the letter you accuse yourself, I don't understand-"

"You never did."

For the first time ever the roles were reversed - she was the one who read his mind, the one who understood something that escaped him-

"But that's easy, Rhett. You never figured that during that day at the mill, I felt nothing but some distant emotion keen to friendliness. And when you were gone and we had just buried Melanie he held me as if he was entitled to. For that I blamed myself. Hence, I ran away from town with the children the following day for a week. It must have helped strengthen some vile rumors."

"Henry wrote me."

"I figured. He cares."

"Better than me."

"Differently. After two weeks I returned, and a year went by without you."

"When did you send this Morgan fellow away? Before you wrote me?"

"Fellow?" than she came quiet. She drew a long breath in - "After your nasty letter, the horrible one."

He was at loss.

"You wonder why? Isn't it obvious? If I had had a chance of loving someone else I wouldn't have been so happy that I evoked those feelings in you. For the first time in a year I felt happy."

"That letter made you happy? You wrote -"

"I know what I wrote. Rhett - I meant it - and yet I was happy. You once said there is a thin line between love and hate. You claimed for indifference - that letter called your bluff. And that thing about broken things and all - I don't buy it, I chose mending our ruins before it was certain that I will succeed - to building something new with Morgan."

"You loved him."

It was not a question.

"Dearly, but never in the way a wife should love her husband - the way I love you"

As he left the room she observed one last scroll she never gave him, her eyes scanned the words and with a smile she fed it to the fire, the words lingered for a few more minutes -

" **Darling Scarlett -**

Your last letter was so refreshing from the dreary scenes of South Wales. It was Lucille who has decided we could share a life as teachers in a girl's boarding school, away from prying eyes. I realized, even before you sent me away and back to her waiting arms that your heart was taken beyond repair, and as for me, Lucille knows me and accepts my treacherous ways.

I felt you hesitated taking my offer and it was sweet of you to confirm my feelings. My ego was crushed - like you I am not used to rejection, as odd as it may sound.

I loved teaching Ella, and I would like for you to send her to me a few years ahead, perhaps come with her to us. Lucille will never know that your were my enchanting Kathrine, as your husband should never know that I was and am, always,

 **Yours truly -**

 **Charlotte Morgan"**

 **So that's it. For those who waited to the end - thank you. I had to give her something to carry just for herself and falling in love, of sorts, with another woman, without loosing her devotion to him seemed proper. Henry does come out rather unrealistic, doesn't he?**


End file.
